Excited and Exhausted

Every time I think about the journey that I have embarked on (in collecting memories from my dad's family), I am infused with enthusiasm and excitement. The stories that I have started to collect, the people that I have talked to and the ideas I have for this 'book' are many (and growing). I want to talk to more people, collect a full range of memories, paint a vivid picture of my dad's family and somehow find a way to put this all together so that the (eventual) reader will feel my excitement.

The time it takes to co-ordinate 'all of the above' is limited. I am taking every opportunity that I have, to talk to people. I hope that the enthusiasm that I feel for this project is contagious and that I can spread that energy to the people that I am in contact with.

It feels invigorating to feel so passionate about something. I believe that it has put a bounce in my step, a sparkle in my eye and is a great contributing factor the the happiness that I feel within. To do something out of choice, rather than obligation creates an excitement inside of me.

I wish that I could devote myself to this project without distraction. I'm sure life's many distractions serve a purpose - so that this project gets some breathing room as it grows. But at the moment those very distractions are at the root of an exhaustion that is seeping into my bones.

Life goes on. I have a life that keeps me fairly busy ... and now I'm trying to work in an hour or two of exercise into that schedule. I am finding that the exercise fuels me and keeps my body running longer. But it has a price.

I've been failing at the 'calorie budget' that I have had such success with the past few weeks. I sit down at the end of a busy day and I'm not ready to fall asleep. So ... I eat. I have been craving food and the sensation that I get eating, chewing, tasting and simply filling up. I haven't stopped recording what I eat and trying to tally up the total amount of calories that I consume in a day. But it has escalated. It feels out of control.

I feel like exhaustion that is the contributing factor to my excessive eating this week. I'm happy, content and fulfilled in every way. The only thing that I am lacking, is down-time. And sleep.

I am so grateful for the uncommitted long weekend that is in store. I hope to fill my reserves and catch up on some R & R. I have already started a list of what I hope to accomplish with my 3 free days. One of those items is to take Kurt to see a movie that we simply haven't had time to see. If I spend the time surrounding that movie with must-do tasks, I won't have time to eat before we go and I should be able to 'splurge' on some theatre popcorn.

The success that I was feeling and seeing as I charted my progress of calorie intake, calories used and my weight has taken a nose dive. The weight that I thought that I lost ... is almost all back. Not a case of 'easy come, easy go'. Much more the opposite. 'Hard to go, easy to gain!'

I'm not giving up easily. I plan to fill my 'sleep tank' and hope that the food cravings subside.

It is exhausting being so excited about life. I hope to find the balance that works for me and keep on moving ahead.