Quiet ...

I could have found the time ... but I just didn't have the words in me this past weekend. So I took a break from blogging. And I worked. Then I worked some more. The weekend is over and what do I have to say about it?

First and foremost, I started coming out of my little happy cocoon. In some good ways and in some not-so-good-ways.

The good ways?

I started calling and emailing friends and family again. As I tentatively stepped back into my real-life responsibilities, I put work/school/home first. I thought of my friends. I knew that I wanted to try to arrange to get together with them. But I thought ... later.

Saturday was the beginning. I returned one phone call and ended up inviting a friend over for supper thanks to that conversation. Perfect! Then, I called a long-distance friend and we caught up by phone. I had two good visits under my belt and it was only 9 a.m. After that kick-start to the day (it was better than 'blogging' my morning away), I went to work.

Sunday was just as good. Instead of phoning two friends, I sent off some emails. As the day progressed, I not only heard from the people I had contacted ... but I got a fun and interesting reply from an email I had sent off quite some time ago. It was a day of cyber-world-friendships and contacts. A day where I contacted a relative and have a tentative family-memory-gathering session on the horizon. And it was a day that I worked. Then ... I worked some more.

I made myself a priority yesterday and suggested that we go out for our Sunday Family Supper. I'm so grateful that I did. As I looked around the table and our varied appetites, I knew that I couldn't have put together a smorgasbord of food that could compare to the wide variety of meals we had in front of us.

The food was great. It's good to be with my family. But ... the ease in which our conversations usually flow was a little off. Was it because we weren't at home? Has home become synonymous to easy flowing conversations? Or was it because each of us was in a different 'head space'?

I'm leaning towards believing that we each had our own thoughts going on within. I had been working all weekend and had numbers and book-work still free falling in my mind. Second Son has some transitions and some of his own worries going on in his mind. My Oldest is looking towards his future ... but I have the feeling that in doing so, it has him reflecting on his past. There wasn't a lot of deep conversation. There was a lot under the surface. Next Sunday, we shall dine at home and see if the words come.

All of these were the good ways in which I was slowly emerging from my happy little cocoon. Then ... there is real life. The not-so-good-ways.

I let myself get into a little negative self-talk mode in a few instances lately. After venting some of my words, I quickly realized something. The way I get treated by the people in my life is up to me. If I let myself be a doormat, I will get stepped on. It's not rocket science. In each of my minor frustrations, I could see the part that I played in the scenario. If I had changed my action or reaction, the outcome would have been completely different.

It's quite often 'just that simple'. If you want to know something ... ask. Don't assume. If you want to have control over a day, take control. Don't allow someone else's schedule override your own priorities.

And, since no blog would be complete without it ... I must write about dancing. Big surprise there.

I had a thought come to me in the quiet of the morning today ...

The dance studio is my happy place. I forget everything when I walk in that door. I am so comfortable with the people that I meet there. It is like 'Cheers' ... where everybody knows your name.

It brought me back to a time when I was married. For a time, we regularly went to a lounge where we gathered with a varying group of friends. We drank a little and we danced a lot. I remember the feeling of hearing the music and knowing I wanted to dance. And I did. The music was a part of my soul.

I loved those memories. Now I have them again. Without the alcohol, with a group of people that are healthy to be around and with a comfort level that I don't ever remember feeling before. A sense of ease that comes from just being myself and savoring the memories that I make along the way.

Life is good. Happy Monday!!