Tired

I'm just plain tired. Tired of working, tired of worrying, tired of juggling, tired of 'keeping up'. Tired of reasoning, rationalizing, tired of talking myself through.

My Oldest asked me what I'd like for my upcoming birthday. It took a little less than a nanosecond for my mouth to utter the words, "A man ..."

The same words were falling out of my mouth as my sisters and I parted ways. Only I was a little fussier, "A rich man, who works out of town a lot."

I just want to let down my guard and relax with life. I want to stop worrying and obsessing about work/bills/the future.

I know that this is a phase. It is to be expected while I'm treading in new territory. I have been working in my new chosen field for (just over) two months. It is not unusual to feel some trepidation while you search for your new normal.

I'm just tired of this treading water phase.

But there is a grain of truth to my wish. Sometimes. I just want to have someone hold my hand and walk towards an unknown future ... together.

Sometimes, I just get tired of the fight.

Give me a day or two and I'll be back to myself. But for today, I'm just going to rest.