Monday, August 15, 2011

Humbled ... But Not Defeated

The past few weeks have felt like a bit of a roller coaster ride. The highs have reached new heights. The lows have hit record bottom.

But today, 17 days after the last day at my old job, I have hit a most welcome plateau.

I have been hired for a position at a school. It is a temporary, but full time job. They have reworked the job position a little, to allow room for training. My small melt-down of a minor proportion during my job interview last week served a useful purpose. They are not expecting me to walk in and know everything I need to know. They are giving me the tools to succeed.

I have been interviewed by a grand total of four people at my new place of employment. I feel secure and welcomed in the transition. I have walked away from each and every phone conversation or interview with the thought "I want to work with these people" forefront in my mind.

I was almost certain that I didn't get the position within the school system that I was interviewed for last week (I had been guaranteed a job as 'substitute secretary' but there were several positions within the school system to be filled and if successful, I would be working full time at one school). It wasn't official, but I was almost certain that I would be facing more interviews. I wasn't certain that I was up to the task.

This afternoon, when I received the call that I had been chosen to fill the position that I had been interviewed for, I was both shocked and relieved. Shocked that they chose me, after all that I told them I wasn't. Relieved that they chose me, for that meant that I would not have to face another interview any time soon.

I am all out of adrenaline. I am not over the moon. I am quietly content. I am not terrified of what lies in store. I am well aware that there will be challenges and rocky roads ahead. But I am comforted in the fact that I am part of a team that will work with me to get past the tough days.

My recent experience has knocked the wind out of me. It has shown me that I have much to learn and that I must be patient with myself throughout the process. I am far from perfect and I am my own worst enemy when I expect too much of myself.

I crumbled to pieces and fell apart one day last week. But I have picked myself up and fortified myself with the lessons learned from the experience. I will forge onward.

I am taking it one step at a time. I will not give up. I may be humbled ... but I am not defeated.

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