I went to my favorite hair salon yesterday afternoon. Those girls are great at what they do, the ambiance is happy & uplifting and I love the feeling of transformation that takes place within.
Yesterday was a day that I needed to feel a little bit of 'all of the above'.
I am rallying back from Wednesday and feeling ready to conquer the world again. Yesterday morning? Not so much.
Lucky for me, I had a job interview for a secretarial position at a high school at 10:00 yesterday morning.
It was an eye opening experience from the moment I walked up the steps leading into the school. A few kids were also entering the building and at first glance, I was perplexed. Isn't it summer holidays? The veil of my ignorance slowly lifted. This was a high school. This school's doors must be open for summer classes. This could be a 12 month position that I was applying for ...
I had arrived early so I had an opportunity to sit and absorb the atmosphere of where I would be working. I liked the vibes that I felt. I talked to one of the secretaries for a few minutes. It felt good.
Then I was invited into the office to be interviewed. They gave me a short overview of all that the school has to offer and how much it has changed since My Oldest graduated from there 15 (?) years ago. Then ... they explained the position that I was being interviewed for, the demands, the dynamics of the students/parents and some of the challenges of the job.
I am not certain if I slumped in the chair and gazed at them with my mouth open or not. All that I felt from within was "I can't do this ... I could not keep up with the pace ... I am inadequate ... I can't learn quickly enough ... I can't ... I can't ... I can't ..."
I have not had a lot of job interviews. But in all of the interviews that I have had, I have never, ever, ever unsold myself in the way that I did yesterday.
Before I started talking, I preceded what I had to say by explaining (in 20 words or less) 'the day' that I had preceding the interview. I told them that my self confidence level had reached negative numbers and I was uncertain that I was prepared to be selling myself for a job with them.
I told them all that I could not do ... while I was in the learning phase of a job position. I confessed that I would be unable to walk in and do the job proficiently. I have recent and vivid memories of the tunnel vision that one experiences when walking into something new. The learning curve is steep in a new position and while I am in that phase, I am not working anywhere close to my potential.
I briefly covered what was lacking from the job that I had just left. I explained that I require feedback, encouragement, communication and evaluations. I understand that feedback is both positive and negative. That is okay with me. I need to know where I stand.
After my confession and demands ... I proceeded to try to sell myself.
I have no idea if I succeeded or failed. If I do get the job after that interview, I will know that this is the job for me. If they hire me after me telling them all that I am not ... it means we are starting out a working relationship based on complete truths.
I walked into the interview feeling completely inadequate. I walked out of the interview thinking 'maybe I can learn to do this'.
Then I got my hair cut and colored.
I have picked myself up off of the floor, brushed myself off and got my hair done. I look at the reflection in the mirror and I like the girl with the healthy, vibrant hair. I believe in myself again. I am ready to take on whatever I am given.
Okay world, I'm ready. Bring it on ...