Friday, September 30, 2011

Content ... but Tired

Overall, it was a good week.

Work is still exhausting me because I am focusing so hard on being positive and I am pushing myself far beyond my comfort zone. I am starting to feel a flow about the days that is comforting but it is still hard work to be there. But it is better. So much better!

I am around people. All day. So many people! I play a game with myself as staff members enter the office. What is their first and last name? What do they teach? What extra-curricular activities are they involved in? What do I know about them? I am starting to win at this game more often than not. At one point, I counted 115 staff members at the school. I now recognize and know the vast majority of them. This simple fact helps me at my job immensely.

Then there are the students. I believe that I heard that there are approximately 850 students registered at our school. I believe that I may know two of them by name. Several, by face. But the vast majority? I couldn't identify in a line up.

And the phone calls. The fear of answering the phone and not knowing the answers is dissipating. Yesterday, someone I spoke to at the beginning of the week called back. When I answered the phone he asked, "Is this Colleen?" Immediately, I felt at one with my job. People are recognizing my telephone voice (I can't say that I am doing the same ... yet).

People. So many people!

I have come from working upstairs in an 'attic space' with the furnace and spare parts, with only the radio to keep me company ... to this. It is truly no wonder why I have been struggling. There is a little bit of culture shock tossed into the mix as well as a brand new work environment filled with oh ... about a thousand people that I've never met before in my life.

Last night, when the group dance class time was nearing ... I couldn't do it. I couldn't put myself out there any more. I didn't have the energy to push myself through the discomfort of the possibility of having to be the 'lead', in a female dominated dance environment. I just wasn't in the right space. So I stayed home.

I probably should have went. I gave in to my exhaustion and this morning, I wish I could do it again. This day will be just fine. I can do this. One more day.

But I am sure glad that it's Friday. I am becoming content in my new world. But it exhausts me. I am ready for the weekend. Again.

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