When I walked back into a high school for my first day of classes in 36 years, I found that not a lot has changed.
The first day ... I was anxious, nervous and apprehensive. I was able to keep my emotions from overwhelming me much better than I did at age 14. But they were close to the surface. I consciously inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly to keep those child-like emotions at bay.
Once I was face to face with school-as-I-will-come-to-know-it, I have been unable to mask my fear. It has been in my voice, my body language and in the entirety of my being. I have felt like I have surrounded myself in an aura that has been repelling my allies.
Then came the little things ...
School pictures. We lined up and awaited our turn. Sitting on the stool with the mottled background, tilting your head in odd contortions and smiling. I felt like I did when I was a kid.
Then came the scariest moment of all. I was called into the Principal's office.
Oh. My. Gosh. I have never been called into the office. I was having a particularly bad day. I thought 'this is it'.
I did what I always do. I confessed. I admitted my failings. I invited the principal to confer with my supervisor and she would confirm the truth. If he had any preconceived notions of talking to me about my shortcomings, I beat him to the punch.
Instead, he asked me if I enjoyed the position. Was this the right fit for me?
Of course I want to stay! I want to learn this job so well that I could do it in my sleep. I know I have the ability. It is just that there is so much to absorb all at once.
I was told that starting to work at the beginning of a school year was the most challenging time of all. I was reassured. I wasn't in trouble.
Yesterday, I walked home with my school picture proofs in my hand. I have put the first week of school behind me. I felt young again.
As I glanced at my photo, I appreciated my clear skin. I'm back in high school ... without the acne that goes with it.
Last night? I received my final gift. A zit. Front and centre ... on my chin.
High school dayz ... here I come (again)!