Everything I watch, see, hear or read lately seems to be a pumped up, amplified version of what I have going on in my life and inside of my head.
I see bits and pieces of myself in all the wacky situations and characters portrayed on TV. I feel like a patchwork quilt of emotions. My life feels like it is in a state of flux that has spiralled out of my control.
I look back at who I used to be and wonder if I was daft. I used to think that if I was positive and optimistic about life ... I would draw positive people and life experiences into my world. That theory has been blown out of the water lately.
I could quite honestly bury myself under that patchwork quilt (see above) and eat cookies all day.
I was snuggled up under a cozy blanket last night, reading a book, with Our Cat snuggled up beside me and My Youngest busy at the computer three steps away. Everything I could ever want and need was within reach.
I wrestled with the idea of going to a group dance class. I have not been getting a great deal of enjoyment out of many things lately. This was only one of many things that I could easily cross off of my to-do list.
It would have been sooooo easy to just stay where I was. It is where I wanted to be. But I knew that I needed to push myself out of what is easy and just go.
It was easier than I thought it would be, to propel myself out the door.
I just about changed my mind at the end of the driveway when my Middle Son came home with his work truck and it would have been more convenient for him to park in the driveway behind the garage. But he squeezed into the extra parking spot on the side and waved me on to my lesson.
I left home with only moments to spare. Then I hit every red light along the way. I thought "if I'm late ... I just won't go". But I arrived in time.
The parking lot was full. I thought "if I can't find a space, I will be late ... and I will just go home". But I found a space and slid into the dance studio just under the wire.
The room was full. There was an almost perfect male to female ratio (our dance instructors filled in as required) and I actually got to dance with a male ... as a follower (trust me! I am in no position to 'lead' anyone, anywhere lately) ... all night. We had some beginners in the class so the instructor geared the class towards the beginners with added information and instruction for all other levels of dance.
It was relaxed. It was fun. The lesson was as easy or as hard as I needed it to be.
I needed to push myself out of the house last night. I needed to move. To be among people.
I am grateful that I had a safe place to go. The dance studio is my 'Cheers'. A place where (almost) everybody knows my name.
I took a risk and stepped out of my comfort zone last night. It was a good night. It was just what I needed (even though I didn't know it at the time).
The dance studio has long been my Happy Place. When 'life' starts following me into the studio and dragging me down, I usually walk away from dancing. Maybe this time ... that is not the answer.