I woke up ten minutes before the alarm went off this morning. Ten minutes!! Instead of one or two hours!! Ten minutes!!!
I was ecstatic. The mind-racing, fist-in-chest anxiousness was gone. It was a week day. And I woke up feeling calm.
It feels like I've been in fight-or-flight mode on and off for the past four months. I have done a lot of sleeping and I believe it must have something to do with the steady stream of adrenaline pumping through my veins. That ... and I sleep to avoid thinking. Or living.
The flip side of waking up calmly, is that yesterday I started waking up at 3:00 a.m. and never did fall back into any kind of restful sleep. I woke up feeling like I had a hangover. The previous night, I had gone out to see my nephew perform and had one drink. I didn't get home until 10:30 p.m. I was asleep by 11:00. I had a horrible sleep and woke up feeling worse. The only thing that cured me was getting up and moving on with the day.
Yesterday, I officially made the half-way point of the (almost) three week substitute position that I am in. I tied up many loose ends at work. I found answers to several questions. I am starting to go with the flow of this school and I actually feel like I am doing my job!
Each school that I've worked in has had its own special brand of 'something special'. The specialness of this school is that there is a sense of déjà vu as I get to know the staff. I feel like I've met them before ... like I have walked this path in some way that I cannot remember. There is a comfort that I cannot put my finger on. I hope that it is working both ways.
My Brother has been in Our Fair City the past two evenings.
The first evening was a fast paced rush-through-supper-in-time-to-make-it-to-our-nephew's-standing-room-only-comedy-act. At no point did I feel like my head was caught up to where my body was, as I ran a few work-related errands on my way home and added a half hour onto (what was feeling like) a very long day. I threw supper together, had time to figure out a few puzzles (like: why was my pay cheque several hundred dollars less than I calculated it should be?) and get the yucky dishes scoured before My Brother arrived for supper. We raced through supper, went to this comedy-fest and stood all evening in a noisy, busy, fast-paced venue.
Last night, I arrived home at my regularly-scheduled-time. I timed our supper so that we could dine late and (hopefully) My Brother would be done his work in time to join us. As it turned out, his day was a very long one ... so I offered to deliver a plateful of our supper to his hotel room.
We sat and quietly chatted for several hours. We have been walking parallel paths lately, as we have both taken a leap of faith and left comfortable, familiar jobs for something brand new. We are presently in different stages of the transition but we have shared many of the same stresses and anxieties. It felt so good to sit down and talk with him. Hear his story. Take me out of my own head and listen to another perspective.
It was a quiet evening. Talking to someone who knows you like the back of their hand is calming and reassuring. I felt grounded after our visit.
Yesterday was a culmination of several good things. A sense of peace at work. Questions asked ... and answered! Yet another balanced, nutritious home-cooked meal (that is three good meals within a five day period!!!). A calm, rejuvinating visit with My Brother ...
It was a day where my head finally caught up to where my body was at. Then I slept.