I flipped back through the calendar pages of 2011 to see if I could come up with a fun and witty recap of the year almost behind us, as an enclosure in my Christmas cards.
I got to March. March was the month everything changed.
March 9 - I was introduced to 'A Man'. My ex-husband's sister introduced us. It was a welcome diversion from all that was happening around me. But I let the past encroach on the present and had flashbacks where they didn't belong. My emotions were running high ... and as it turns out, that was not a good week to meet someone new.
March 9 - the day that Mom called and gave me a clue that all was not well with her. Her health gave us a scare. At the time, we had no idea what was happening or where things were going to go. It was frightening. It shook me to my core. In the state of not knowing, I knew one thing. This time was different. Mom wasn't saying anything to set off these alarm bells within me ... it was just me. I was grasping the fact that life-as-we-know-it is something that can change without notice.
March 10 - the second Friday in March is when I talked with my employer and found out that 'the rules had changed and no one bothered telling me' and my work-from-home had evolved into a work-out-of-the-home job. I was doing the same work ... but from the lonely attic space of a diesel work shop. I didn't see it coming.
March 10 - I was on the fifth step of a six step process to earn a Group Fitness Instructor certificate. I never did complete the practical part of that exam. I stopped in my tracks when I learned that simply memorizing Zumba choreography and teaching that wouldn't be enough. I had to know what I was doing enough to choreograph an hour of fitness instruction. I never did jump over that hurdle.
My dad's family's book. The plan was: to complete Step 5 of the 6 Step process of the Group Fitness goal. Then concentrate on the book throughout the remainder of March, April and May. I would have the first draft of that book complete before I went on my Alaskan Holiday. I didn't.
It all happened within the second week in March. One week transformed all of the months that followed.
Mom's health bounced back, but I never did regain the momentum that I had created prior to that. Life-as-I-knew-it stopped in its tracks.
Fear of failure took over my consciousness. Uncompleted tasks started eating away at my sense of purpose. An unsatisfying job situation eroded what was left.
I put on my blinders and coasted through the months that followed. I savored each and every family gathering, holiday, retreat and life's unexpected moments. The weeks before, during and after my Alaskan Holiday were heaven on earth. The family reunions, celebrations and occasions were plentiful. I savored each gathering and continued to enjoy the ride. The ride ended when we returned home from our final family reunion.
July 11 - I started my new job search in earnest. July 18 - I gave my current employer two weeks notice. July 29 was my last day at my place of work. I walked out of that job without having another to take its place.
The next day, I was hired at a 'transitional work place'. It was never my intent to make that job a career. It was an end to a means. A source of income that would allow me to wait for the job of my dreams to come true.
I started to work there Aug 3. I was hired at the job-of-my-dreams Aug 8. My last day of work at my transitional job was Aug 10. The first day of the job-of-my-dreams was Aug 16.
The job-of-my-dreams has not been without its sleepless nights. The learning curve and challenges have been vast and varied. I am sixteen weeks into this job and I still have the new-job-jitters before each day begins.
Why am I having trouble writing Christmas cards this year? I have much to be grateful for. This is a year that will be the starting point of many great things in the years that follow.
Two uncompleted goals are haunting me this past year. I did not finish what I set out to do. I cannot forget that. I have unfinished business to tend to.
There is always 2012 ...