I went to bed Sunday night knowing that I would be working the next day. Knowing is kind of a relative word in my world. Planning to work is a better way to describe it. Because things change. And they did.
Just when I thought it was too late in the morning to get a cancellation, the phone rang again. But the voice on the other end asked if I could work at a different school than the one I was originally called to. Sure! And so I went.
While I was at work on Monday, they asked if I could come back on Tuesday. Definitely! So I went to sleep two nights in a row,
I got a call while I was at work on Tuesday, asking if I could work at the same school for the rest of the week. You bet!
I have gone to bed every night this week, 'knowing' that I was working the next day. Not only that, but knowing where I would be working (with the exception of one morning).
On a typical weekday morning, I get up and ready for the day just as I would if I was going to work. By the time 6:30 a.m. rolls around I'm ready for that phone call. The longer the phone doesn't ring, the more I don't want to go to work. When a person doesn't work enough, they quickly lose their desire to work.
Sometimes the phone rings. Sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes I get a call; then shortly thereafter, I get a cancellation. I have had my destinations changed enroute to work. I have had my day change half way through the day.
It has been an emotional roller coaster ride. I'm losing my desire to work, but I need to work. When I don't work, I don't get paid. I have lived with an unstable income since My Youngest was born. But things have never been quite this tight. My safety nets are gone and I feel vulnerable.
A person is fortunate when you have a good idea what to expect when you wake up in the morning. As inconvenient as this is, I know that I am lucky. I know that my working hours will fall within the confines of Monday - Friday; 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. ... it could be much, much worse. To be on call 24/7 is most definitely something I would not wish upon anyone. Yet there are jobs that expect this and people that work these hours.
I didn't realize the magnitude of the effects of my job instability until this week. This week has shown me what I need, to turn my thoughts around. I want to find that within the job I am working at. I need to find it somewhere.
That's a relief. Because there for a while, I thought perhaps I was losing my sanity.
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