The Words Will Come ...

My head is all over the place these days. Life is busy. Life is good. But I miss the quiet place in my mind where 'words that matter' come from.

My thoughts are a-flutter and I can't seem to settle on one dominant theme to carry me through a blog post. Do you want an example of the free flowing thoughts in my mind at the moment?

• A friend that I want to go and visit. Visions of her and her mom are prevalent in my thoughts this morning. I must call her.
• Another friend that is undergoing her second dose of chemo this morning. Warm and healing thoughts are going out to her.
• An aunt (Mom's sister) that is in the hospital waiting for tests and results. Mom is concerned ... my thoughts are also with her.
• Work. I am challenged in my new temporary position and loving it. I am booked to work today at a different school. My week is almost full. This is good. But it leaves little down-time to follow through on 'all of the above'.
• My second job. I live in fear of that phone call that will dictate where my life goes from here. Working evenings and weekends is not something that I am excited about. They were supposed to call on Thursday. They didn't. I should call. But I am busy working ...
• My writing. I have columns that I am now responsible for. They have expectations that I have the ability to live up to. But not right now. At this moment I can't pin my thoughts down into one cohesive story line. My mind is blocked and the words aren't coming. I thought this would pass. But it isn't.
• The family history book I am perpetually putting off. I need to discipline myself. I need to do this! One page at a time...
• Which brings me back to work. I am responsible for the bi-weekly school newsletter. This responsibility came with learning a new Microsoft Publisher program; the need to be creative with titles and make the content exciting and easy to read; and proofread, proofread, proofread! My first edition went out late yesterday afternoon. It was a struggle. Next time will be better. I know I can do this but I'm freezing up.
• Home. I need to find the desire and ambition to wash a window or two or seven; clean that which doesn't show; and pull out the fridge to retrieve the carrot that now lives there thanks to our kitten-like-cat (who decided the carrot made a pretty good puck was brushing up on his hockey skills).
• Exhaustion. As long as I keep moving, I am full of energy. The moment I sit still I fall into a deep catatonic state of sleep which paralyzes me (thus the lack of cleaning and writing!).
• A stomach which is sensitive to all of the above. I missed supper last night and by the time I got home my stomach was hurting. I ate and then it started cramping. I woke up this morning and fed it and it is stirred up by my nerves as I face my work day; the possibility of receiving a call which will initiate my evening/weekend work; and all that I should be doing with the hours left over in this day.

Don't get me wrong. I am content and happy with the changes that are transpiring in and around my life. Life outside of my home and head has become busy. I am engaged in the act of living these days. Family, friends and people in general are more important than the little thoughts that I think and the quiet little life that I'm accustomed to living.

But I do miss that quiet little oasis within my mind. Solitude grounds me. I need to make room for my quiet place and the words will come ...