I am back. I am sooo back! Days like yesterday are the reason I know I am back in the driver's seat of my life.
When I worked for someone else, I felt totally at their mercy. I tried too hard. I apologized excessively for my inadequacies. I continually brought myself down because I didn't know enough, had to ask questions and made mistakes. I needed feedback, communication and support in that role. I felt like I was lost at sea. I was drowning in my insecurities and never quite earned my water wings.
I can still feel the echoes of those days within me. I believe that is the reason that my anxiety levels rise when a parent questions how I do things and makes observations about 'how her child has changed' since she started coming to my daycare. I can feel that insecure girl inside of me start to run into her corner.
I think that perhaps those irrational emotions were the trigger to a less-than-perfect-Thursday this week. I wasn't rolling with the punches that day because I was not feeling secure in myself and my choice. I do believe that the thought crossed my mind that I couldn't do this job either ...
Then Friday morning rolled around and I reasserted myself into my role here and created a Chapter Worthy Day. The day was a success on every level. Because I took what I knew worked ... and focused on that. I addressed that which seemed to be dragging us down and worked on it. From the onset of the day, I set my mind on creating a great day.
When I work for myself, I am the one who has the ability to take a situation and deal with it or try to find a way to make it work.
When I was putting my new little one-year-old down for her nap yesterday, she leaned in for a kiss. That was a first. It made my day.
This little one is experiencing separation anxiety at the beginning of her days and her parents are feeling it two-fold. I texted the mom after this special little moment because I knew that she would be carrying the weight of this transition and her daughter's morning tears with her all day. She was so grateful for the mid-day update. I received an immediate response, ending with "You are a true blessing to us!"
Working for myself, I now have the ability to take a bad day and turn it into a catalyst for our best-day-yet. The rewards? They are everywhere. Some days I have to look a little harder than others, but at the end of the day ... feeling that I am earning the trust and respect of the parents that bring their children here is the best reward.
Then I read my horoscope and this is what it said: "It's good to be tolerant, to accept that different people see things in different ways, but that does not mean you have to change your own ways. You are who you are for a reason - a good reason, too."
Yes. I am where I am meant to be. I can 'just be me' ... and it is enough.