It does not matter how much or how little I have enjoyed being away ... there is simply no place like home! I am (as always) glad to be back.
This past weekend was ... easy.
I wasn't craving a weekend away. I didn't feel a need to be alone with my thoughts. I would have been just as happy at home. But I'm glad that I went.
I didn't contact any friends while I was at Mom's. They didn't even know I was in the city. I simply 'gave' the weekend to my mom. We visited with my brother & his family a few times ... and we went with the flow. It was pretty close to perfect.
The winter driving conditions weren't as ideal as I have grown accustomed to. Almost any time I've travelled that path it has been almost summer-like driving conditions. Even in the winter...
Maybe I used to be braver. I just had visions of sliding into a ditch and the inconvenience of having to tow and fix a car ... not to mention the inconvenience of phoning for help, making arrangements and waiting to get towed to safety. There were a fair number of cars in the ditch. It just made me very aware of the fact that one minute I could be driving along at highway speeds and in a heartbeat I could be sliding into an uncontrolled skid.
More than ever, life has made me very aware of how life-as-we-know-it can change in a millisecond. It has helped me appreciate life's little blessings on a regular basis. It has also made me become more fearful than I remember being before this hyper-awareness.
I need to let go of the fear so that I can savor the moments at full capacity.
What did I see as I travelled down life's icy highways this past weekend? I saw little more than cars in the ditch and the safest path down the long stretch of road before me. I saw the highway signs as I counted down the miles to get to my destination. I was mindful of my speed and ever aware of the clock ticking down my time.
This is eerily parallel to the life I am living right now. I'm sticking to the safest route as I watch life at a distance. I am so aware of all that can go wrong ... that I am not fully appreciating all that is going right. I walk through most of my days with blinders on. I don't see beyond where I expect my day to go. I am ever aware of the clock ticking down another day.
This isn't the way to live a life. It is safe. It is easy. But it isn't living life to the fullest.
Yes ... I am home again. I am safe. From this nest of contentment and safety, I must muster the courage to start living a life that I feel passionate about. I miss the passion. I miss the dreams. I need to push myself out of this place even though it is my most favorite place in the world.