Monday, November 26, 2012

Reactivating My Ambition

My son and I went to see "Here Comes the Boom" yesterday afternoon. I had recently seen the review but my faulty memory had me describing it as a movie 'about a teacher that tries to raise money for his school by doing some kind of wrestling or boxing or something' ... and its star was an actor who was 'a comedian that was in some sitcom' (yes, I should definitely go for a job in writing one sentence movie summaries - I know). The motivating factor to go and see the movie was upon a friend's review "Everyone in our family enjoyed it!" So ... we went.

I don't like to pump up a movie so much that anyone seeing it after hearing my recommendation would have their sights set too high and be disappointed. But my friend's review would be the best way to describe the movie.

I expected the movie to be light hearted and worth a laugh or two. I was not disappointed. What I didn't expect was the sparkle that returned to this teacher's eyes when he became passionate about his goals and how that bubbled over into his entire life.

He gave his biology class a lesson in how one inactive cell affected all of the cells around it and they also became inactive. And how the opposite is true - when one cell becomes active, its energy is contagious and rubs off on all of the cells around it. Like when you cut yourself and how your body works to heal itself. I have completely misquoted this lesson, but you get the idea.

Immediately I transposed my own life into that inactive cell theory. The more inactive I become, the less I want to do. My ambition, my goals and desires and energy are all sapped by my state of inertia. I cannot forget the way that I used to feel when I was fueled by passion. Nothing felt impossible. I reached for the stars ... and I became more of who I was because I believed in my ability of making dreams come true.

This energy oozed all over my life. I beamed with happiness. Inside and out. When I stumble across pictures of myself taken throughout this time of my life, I hardly recognize that girl. The girl that I see in the mirror and in the pictures these days is haggard, old, drawn and worn out.

The passion. The drive. The energy. Where did it go?

I have let a few of life's lessons knock me down. I've picked myself up. But I'm crawling. I'm staying close to the ground so that I don't have as far to fall.

This weekend was a good beginning in reactivating my ambition. I did everything that I set out to do on Saturday. I treated myself to some fun and then came home and 'decked the halls' on Sunday. I can feel something sparking inside of me. I need to light the fire inside and reactivate my passion for life.

One step at a time. I think that I will start by writing some Christmas cards. 'Tis the season of reaching out and touching those that touch my world. One card at a time. I hope to make a small difference this Christmas season. To be followed by a New Year where I dust off my goals and make things happen in my world again.

It is time.

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