I have been craving 'alone time' for quite some time now. After the Personal Day that I granted myself last weekend, the need had passed. But when life presented me with enough doubts about the roads, darkness looming and a hotel within arm's reach at a time and place when I had to make a decision ... I decided to stay.
I am glad that I did.
I don't have to be anything to anybody here. It is just me. I don't have to worry about tiptoeing around and waking anyone up. I don't have to provide a meal for anyone but myself. I don't have to clean up after anyone else. I don't have to talk. I'm not governed by a schedule, responsibilities or the needs of anyone else in the world right now.
And it feels good.
It is so easy when you don't have to worry about anyone else's well-being but your own. What is that person thinking? Is this in their best interests? Are they hungry? Are they happy? Are they upset with me? Am I doing all that I should be doing?
It can be hard to be one in a family living under one roof. Everyone must be considerate of each other to make it work. Little things become bigger than they should. Your life is not your own. It is a delicate balance of give and take. Give or take too much and the equilibrium is threatened.
Sometimes everyone just needs a break from the routine. It could be worse. I could feel alone in the world. It is a gift to feel the need to be 'somebody' to someone else. I know how fortunate that I am.
But sometimes? I just want to take a break from all that is so good in my life ....