It is a little too easy for me to stay in my pyjamas all (or most of the) day on a weekend. It has become my habit to turn on the television set and lose an evening, a morning, an afternoon ... or all of the above. Once I sit down on my favorite comfy couch, I have no burning desire to move myself from that spot. What difference does it really make if I waste a few hours (or days/months/years!)?
I have let exhaustion overrule my life. I succumb to it whenever the days allow. There have been times when it has felt that I physically could not stay awake. The waves hit hard and heavy. My eyes feel incapable of staying open and my body becomes one with the couch.
I think of all of the things that I should be doing and I am overwhelmed. I have let things slide. I have put off things off for so long that I fear I have convinced myself I am incapable of finishing what I have started. Big things. Little things. Important things. Things that really don't matter. Each one of these incomplete tasks weighs equally heavy in my mind. When did I stop finishing what I started??
I am overwhelmed by so much. So much so, that I am weighted down by the load that I am not feeling capable of carrying.
I haven't pushed myself out of this spot for so long that I am losing my desire to do so. This weekend has been too easy. I haven't had to do anything that I didn't want to do. It was fast becoming yet another lost weekend ...
Then I got dressed. Why did I get dressed? Because I needed to wash the pj's that I had worn for the better part of the past two days.
Then I did some laundry. Why did I do laundry? Because My Youngest wouldn't have had clean clothes to wear to school tomorrow (as well as wanting my favorite pair of pj's to be fresh & clean).
Once I was dressed, I knew that I had to leave the house to buy milk. Since I was out of the house anyway, I bought groceries ....
Once I had groceries in the house, I extended a supper invitation. I was taken up on my offer by not only one, but two guests. The meal wasn't fancy, but it was a meal. I have all but stopped voluntary cooking. It didn't even hurt, to provide sustenance for a few extra mouths tonight.
The invitations involved picking up the phone and dialing it. I had called a few others that returned my call later in the day.
I talked to people. I invited people into my day. I gave a little of myself and invited a few extra family members into our world tonight. I felt the weight of the world lighten, when I made the effort to extend myself and make myself a contributor to the human race today.
It all started with getting dressed. Amazing how one small act can make such a difference in a day ...