As I was talking with my cousin the other day, I mentioned that living with one's adult children can be 98% good ... but sometimes that 2% feels bigger than it is in reality.
Isn't that the way it is with life?
I had a minorly frustrating daycare-day yesterday. It was fueled by the fact that I was tired. I wasn't rolling with the punches the way that I am capable of doing. The kids were tired on top of my tiredness. All things tolled, it wasn't an awful day. But at the end of it, that 2% was all that I felt.
I have come to a happy realization that my return to daycare is exactly where I am meant to be right now. The families that have come to me are wonderful. In reality, I need one or two more children to make this financially feasible. But the dynamics between the children that I have are 98% good. To add one more unknown to this formula could tip the balance. I like where things are at. I believe we will focus on what we have and add more to the mix when my one-year-olds are a little older.
The flip side to this contentment is reality. My daycare income alone does not quite pay the bills. So my extra income sources are a necessity. I cannot afford to say 'no' to any opportunity right now. Each and every one of my extra jobs is 98% good. The 2% is the sacrifice I must make to fit all of this into a seven-day-week.
I like what I am doing. I am content with my life. As long as I keep my sights set on shorter (under five years) term goals, I know that I have steered my life in the direction that I want to go. When I look long term? It becomes just a tad frightening. I am 98% certain that it will all work out in the wash. It always does. Keep my eye on the prize and I will go where I am meant to go. It is that 2% of fearfulness that niggles away at my sense of security that feels bigger than it is at times.
My home life is pretty much wonderful right now. Our house is full. Three adults, a 14 year-old, two dogs and a cat take up a lot of space in a home and in a life. There is such a sense of harmony within all of the creatures within this 1000 square foot home. How did I manage to get so lucky?!? It is good 98% of the time. That nasty 2% rears its head from time to time and seeps into the contentment within these walls.
I have strong and supportive relationships within my friends and family. I am 100% happy with the people that I have in my life. Do I miss the idea of a forever-partner-in-life? Possibly .5% of the time. 99.5% of the time, I know that my life is complete, rewarding and fulfilling just the way it is. To bring a 'partnership' of foreverness into the mix would be beyond challenging. Compromise, in sickness and in health, for better and for worse ... those are big promises. Life is safe and easy this way. It is just that .5% of the time? It would be nice to have someone to hold my hand as I walk through this life.
Ninety eight percent is a pretty good overall average. I'll take it. I will savor it and be grateful for it. Life isn't perfect and it wouldn't be good for us, if it was. We need those contrasts in life to fully appreciate what we already have.