Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Looking Back Through the Archives

I was at a loss for words today, so I went back into the archives for some inspiration.

A year ago today, I was grateful for some kind words that someone was generous enough to pass along. A year later (and every day since then), I continue to pay that good deed forward. Little things do indeed, go a long way.

So I went back further. Six years ago. And this is what I found. Perhaps not six years ago today, but six years ago in general.

June 21, 2007

What do I want in a relationship? In my life? What are my dreams and hopes for the future?

Most of all I want personal contentment. I want to surround myself with family and friends. I want to be comfortable in whoever's company I'm in or by myself. I want to laugh. I want to focus on all that is good in life. I want space and time to myself .... that nurtures me in a way I need, to face the days.

In a relationship ... I want someone who makes me laugh and who I find spellbinding (a lot of the time, anyway). Someone who I can trust implicitly. Someone who is open and honest with me. Someone who 'fits' with me, my kids, my family and to have mutual friendships and socializing as well as time to have our own friends. I want to be with someone who inspires 'forever' in a relationship.

I want to get married again. I want to build a home with someone who I can honestly imagine living the rest of my life with.

Most of all I just want to be okay with 'me'. Because I'm stuck with myself for the rest of my life.

"I want space and time to myself .... that nurtures me in a way I need." I could have written that sentence yesterday. Some things never change.

"I want to be with someone who inspires 'forever' in a relationship." Same holds true for that sentiment. I haven't found it. But the criteria has not changed.

"I want to get married again." Hmmm ... let me ponder that one. I could go either way on that concept. The idea of being on my own for the rest of my days doesn't scare me. If I met that person who inspired 'forever', maybe that could change. Who knows? It simply isn't high on my priority list. And that is not altogether a bad thing.

"Most of all I just want to be okay with 'me'." Okay. That is another winner. Not only could I have written that yesterday, but it has been the standard by which I have lived with since the sentence was inspired. Perhaps longer.

When we are happy with who we are, I believe the rest all falls into place. I am content with where I am and where I am headed. I don't know what the future holds. No one does. But the stronger I feel within the confines of myself, the more capable I feel that I can roll with the punches that life has to dole out.

It feels good to look back and find that I was setting goals, standards and ideals within my ramblings. My heart was broken and I was valiantly searching for answers. "Where do I go from here??" was prevalent in my thoughts back then.

Ideas conceived during a time of crisis can change a life. I'm grateful for the record of my thoughts. It makes me sound wiser than I feel. But it tells me something that I truly believe. We have our own answers within us. We simply have to be quiet and listen. And? It doesn't hurt to make a written note now and again so you can look back and see how far you've come.

"When we cannot find contentment in ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere."
-- Francois De La Rochefoucauld

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