Thursday, June 13, 2013

My Heart Has Grown Three Sizes

I feel like I'm 'cheating' on our cat ...

How would I feel if I was in his shoes? If I was relaxed and happy in my role of Senior (and Only) Cat in the home ... and My People brought home a younger, more energetic, healthier version of myself. My twin, in fact?

Ray (New Cat) on the left; Andre (Senior Cat) on the right
How would I feel if the Family Computer desktop photo displayed the New Cat in the family?!!?

Honestly, I thought Andre would think that he was looking at a picture of himself ... but who else but 'Ray' would lay in this 'yoga' fashion?!?? The 'left eye wink' is another of Ray's trademarks

Andre, the bystander. He can't believe Ray's lack of modesty!

Andre cowers to my touch these days. He literally winces and his bones become like jelly as he avoids me. If I think it hurts to be rejected by him ... how in the world must he be feeling to have another cat taking over his family?

As much as they appear to mirror each other in so many ways ...

The difference is in their tail placement - Ray is on the right (with the curled tail)

Andre still maintains ownership of 'his' spot on the couch!

In the hierarchy of cats, Andre comes out on top (on the top bench, anyway)

... they are two unique personalities.

I hate to see Andre become any less of the cat that he has always been. But he has. His confidence is shattered. He is so much less of the confident Only Cat that he used to be. And it breaks my heart.

The sad thing is, is that Ray is fast earning his spot in our hearts. He is a fun loving, out going cat with energy, health and vitality. Is this why people are drawn into temptation outside of loving, long term relationships? That lust of falling in love all over again with a younger version of someone who mirrors the person that they have known and loved for 'forever'?

I found myself lusting over townhouses in a new area near us yesterday. It brought me back to the time in my life when I bought a brand new townhouse and was forging out on my own. Everything was fresh and new. Everything was clean and everything worked. I seem to be looking for a younger, fresh and new in more things than cats these days.

Then there is the fact that I have been a small bit obsessed with the idea of attending our high school reunion.

I think that part of me is wanting to go back in time. And what better way, than to adopt a young, new cat?

So yes, I do think that I am feeling the guilt of having an 'affair'. And I think Andre knows that and feels it too. He is trying to forgive me but it is coming out in small, tentative doses. It hurts. But I can only imagine how hurt Andre must feel.

A person's heart simply grows to love more and more as life goes on. A parent doesn't love one of their children any more or less than another. We love with our whole heart. We simply love and appreciate the differences that each unique being (whether they be a child or a pet) brings into our lives.

I think that my heart has grown three sizes lately ...

"The Grinch hated Christmas — the whole Christmas season.
Oh, please don't ask why, no one quite knows the reason.
It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.
It could be his head wasn't screwed on just right.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.
And what happened then...? Who-ville they say
That the Grinch's small heart grew three sizes that day!
And then the true meaning of Christmas came through,
And the Grinch found the strength of ten Grinches… plus two."
~ Quote from "How the Grinch Stole Christmas"

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