Monday, July 22, 2013

On Vacation!!

I have the best holiday plans. Ever! It involves no planning, no packing, no reservations, no cost, no hassle, no worry, no travel ... No travel?? Where in the world am I going? No where!! I have 'booked myself a room' within our very own home.

I have transformed our daycare toy room into a Hotel Oasis. Just for me. It has everything that I could ever want or need within those four walls. And if it doesn't? I simply open the door and step into the 'corridor' of this suite and all that I need is a few steps away.

I am 'turning off the world' for one week. I must focus on my dad's family's Book Project. I know that once I get myself focused on this (and not the bazillion other things that have distracted me over the course of the past few years), I will start to make some headway. Once I start gaining momentum, the end result will begin to feel attainable. When I overcome the obstacles that I have created in my mind, I will become fearless. And this book will come together in some form.

It won't be perfect. It will never reach the level of greatness okay-ness that I hope for. I will find flaws and disappointment within the final product. But that is okay. It simply needs to be put together in a tangible form for people to have and to hold. It will not be everything that I wanted it to be. But it will be complete. And that will be enough.

My goal for the week, is to walk out of my Hotel Oasis with a first draft in my hands. I will print it off and seriously critique and edit and question it. I will give copies of it to my dad's brothers so they can do the same (perhaps their wives will be in a better spot to critique because my uncles are too kind, too gentle and far too nice to even mention that I may have spelled their name wrong).

It will be the beginning of the end of the Great Book Project that has been drawn out far too long.

I have other exciting plans as well. I hope to watch a movie that I bought months ago. I would like to read a book. I am getting my hair done. I would love to go and see a movie. By myself.

The common theme throughout all of my plans is solitude. I seem to be feeling pulled in too many directions. This is magnified in a great part by spending ten hours a day, five days a week with three or four 2 & 3 year olds. I do need older friends. But I need to find some quiet within myself first ...

First and foremost, I had some work to do. Columns & invoicing have been tended. I bought a food supply to sustain myself, my Youngest Son and our cats throughout my self induced solitary confinement. I worked at my bookkeeping job yesterday. My true holiday begins today.

After I open the door of my Hotel Oasis and come out, I must work one more bookkeeping day and then My Youngest & I will jump in the car and head in a westerly direction to visit Mom. I have reserved a real life hotel room for the last two nights of our vacation and we have tickets to go and see an interactive dinner theatre with my friend and her family.

I am looking forward to these next two weeks in a way that I cannot quite remember anticipating a holiday ever before.

The bigger and more adventuresome the holiday, the more planning it seems to take. Not to mention the cost. I don't have to worry about leaving anyone or anything behind. I can bring in my own mail and mow my own lawn and clean my own cat's litter ...

I'm not calling in any favors to give myself this gift of time. I feel very greedy as I make it known to those in my world that I will be 'unplugged' from the Internet, the phone, cell phone and TV set...

Okay, the TV set is not affecting my ability to connect with the outside world. But I believe that it is imperative for me to turn off all mind-numbing activities and force my own thoughts back to the surface.

I am not as 'plugged in' as some ... but I am far too attached to technology. It is numbing my soul.

My time-of-greatest-accomplishments (and by that, I mean keeping the house clean, cooking and simply tending to the world and people around me) was a time when there was not a TV set in the living room.

My time-of-greater-connection was a time when I was not attached to the computer with an elasticized, invisible string that kept drawing me to it in every single crack of the day.

My time-of-more-bliss was a time when I could not be reached anywhere, any time of the day or night.

I have become addicted to all of the above. It is ironic that the more connected I have become, the more disconnected I feel.

I am wrapping myself in a cloak of solitude and disconnection. I hope to emerge with a few of my super-powers working a little more efficiently.

I need not add italics and bold print. I do not need to double underline it and make the words stand out in red. The words "I'm on vacation" are simple. But they mean so much to me right now.

I am not certain if I will allow myself to turn on the Internet and check in at the end of my days to update my blog along the way. It would probably do me good to do just that. But it is my hope that at the end of each day, I will turn to My Blog and unleash my own private thoughts (and joy!) about the day I just spent.

I'm turning off the world and entering my very own Fortress of Solitude. I am shutting the door. Listen to the quiet ...

May you find your own fortress within each day. I think we need it. More than ever before. Find your quiet spot and listen to your own thoughts. They are trying to tell you things that you can't hear above the din of our interactive world.

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