I was working for the school at the time, so there was little chance of being called to work over the summer. In a perfect world (a world where I didn't have to worry about paying the bills), I would have two months of summer holidays. I had an adult child at home that was willing to take care of the house over the summer and I could do anything or go anywhere I wanted. In a perfect world...
I dreamt of finding a quiet retreat. I would pack up my little laptop computer, my Book Research and all the paraphernalia that would be required to get us through the summer. I would pack up My Youngest and he would spend a summer outside, away from X-box live, the Internet and the television set. He was going to hate me for a while but after all was said and done we would look back on the summer as the-best-we-had-ever-had.
To perpetuate my dream, I found out that one of my dad's brothers had vacated their country home ... which just happened to be the last home that my dad's parents lived in together. It is a two story home and I would set up a desk and computer beside an outward facing window (insert picture of John Boy Walton here) and I would write.
I would vacation in a world that was close to my dad's family. The geography, the atmosphere, the essence, the solitude and the time would provide me with everything I needed to tackle the job that I had set before me. It was going to be wonderful.
CRASH!!! BANG!!!! BOOM!!! That is the sound of the real world invading my fantasy.
Enter reality, stage right. I found a part time job to help subsidize the high cost of living. I was called in to work at the school's head office a little. My part time job ended up being a job that had no schedule. Okay, fine. There was a schedule. But it was written in magical marker that changed before my very eyes. Days off were plagued with being called in to work. I was called in early. I stayed late. There was no planning. I just went where the wind blew. And it felt like hurricane season.
Need I say more. The Book was abandoned. Again.
CRASH!!! SHUFFLE!! BANG! That is the sound of me changing my world. Again.
Enter another new reality, stage left. I would do what it took to make a living from the safety of my own home. I did it once, I could do it again. This led to ten hour work days, three nights of delivering flyers, house cleaning, bookkeeping ...
Need I say it again? The Book was all but forgotten. I must take that back. It was never forgotten but the layers of dust that was gathering on top of it was making it harder to find. And I was developing an allergy to it.
Then came my pending holiday. Once again, I had visions of running away from it all to complete This Book project. I needed to escape my reality and responsibilities to make this happen. Then I realized ... NO!, I didn't. I simply needed a room with a door.
I have taken up residence in a bedroom in the far corner of our 1000 ft home. I am the furthest that I can be away from the back door and all of the comings and goings of my family. I could not be further from the activity within the kitchen. I am almost just as far away from the allure of the computer, TV, couch and kitty entertainment that is all contained within the living room. Make no mistake about it. I am seven steps away from the hub of activity that is our home. But I have a door...
This door has given me what I have been searching for, for longer than I care to admit. It has given me a place to call my own - where I actually stay awake long enough to enjoy it.
Yes, I have a bedroom. Yes, it has a door. But try as I might, the longest that I can stay awake (once I lay my head down upon those wonderful feather pillows) is the opening credits of the show that I think that I want to watch.
Yes, I have spent a few quiet Sundays within the quiet oasis of my bedroom with the door closed so that I can turn off the outside world. But every time I do this, I get subtle messages from my family that there is medication that can help me through this (depression).
I do not need to get away from it all. I do not need pills to make me happy. I do not need anything at all. I simply need (want) a room with a door. And I have a few. I just need to find a way to make this work once my daycare family returns and my Holiday Oasis turns back into this: