One month ... what can I do with a month?
- It will give my ultra-short a chance to grow out some more. I am three weeks in and I have now reached the point of not shuddering at the new reflection in the mirror. Is it better than it was or have I just gotten used to it?
- It will also give my roots a month to grow out. How much grey will be showing in a month? Will I care? Should I care? Ten dollar cover up job in a box will have to suffice. If it matters to me at the time.
- My wardrobe. Will I be able to open my tickle trunk (aka: closet) and find something appropriate to wear? My years of dancing provided me with more choices than I used to have. My years of idleness since that time has added some extra poundage which eliminates some of those choices. Sigh...
- Speaking of weight, what can a person do with a month? I have no desire to go on some crash diet or exercise regimen to change 'what is'. I think the one thing that I will attempt, is to cut out after supper snacking. This includes eating supper before 8 or 9 p.m. (I'm tired of waking up still feeling full).
- Pedicure? My three week old pedicure may as well have never happened. The nail polish started chipping after a week, my heels are cracked and the calluses have all returned (I don't think they were ever gone to start with) in their glory. The sandal season will most likely be over. I won't sweat the feet stuff.
- Manicure? I have a coupon for a free manicure at the school that did my hair and feet three weeks ago. Five hours invested and I had to get my hair fixed and my feet look no better than they did before this. I think I'll simply spread some cuticle oil on my cuticles, file my nails down to the same length and call it good.
- Botox? Plastic surgery? Face mask? It is too late to worry about anything besides a face mask. Perhaps I will wear veils...
To tell you the truth, I'm not overly concerned about my outward appearances. Oh, I care. But I am not going to become obsessed with that-which-I-cannot-change in a month.
What I care about is the inner 'me'. If I find someone that I used to know, I hope that we sit down and chat and everyone will forget about what the other guy is wearing. Once I start talking to a person, I don't see beyond the words that I am hearing and the person that is inside of the body. I feel myself change from the inside, out when I speak passionately about life and the way I see it. I find that I feel the same way about whoever I may be talking with.
Happiness and contentment ooze out of one's pores when that is their truth. There is no mistaking a person who wears their face naturally and proudly declares to the world 'This is the me I have grown up to be ... and I am happy with the person that I am today'.
I shall dust off some old dance clothes, cover up my feet, make the best of what my hair has to offer and accessorize myself with a smile and an honest desire to reconnect with a friend or two (I still have a very hard time believing that I will actually know very many people there - I was such a hermit in my high school days).
If someone wishes to judge me from afar and see only my imperfect body and hair or whether I have aged gracefully or not, so be it. The only impression that matters to me is the way people see me when we have a conversation. I promise to reciprocate the kindness.
Outward appearances are fleeting. It is the way a person internalizes the life which they were given and run with it that creates the person within. Our physical body can be snatched up and consumed or destroyed. Our spirit can be faced with the same adversity and come out stronger, more compassionate and beautiful than ever before.
Will I remember this as I get dressed on my class reunion day? There may be a moment or two of amnesia before I walk into that room. But once I settle in and find my comfort zone (oh, I hope my comfort zone will be present on that day), I'm sure that I will settle in and enjoy the little moments as I find them.
Those little moments. That is what it is all about ...