Losing a weekend (and all of the sleep that goes along with an out-of-town-adventure) does not bode well for the week that follows. At least for me ...
I could not sleep last weekend. One part anxiety + another part missing-my-home-environment + yet another part adrenaline = three parts of emotional exhaustion at the dawn of a new week.
Emotional wear and tear does not work well when trying to accomplish anything of importance during ten hour days of tending small children. I should not be trying to accomplish anything at all during my days of care-giving. In the past, I have been able to fit a few things into the cracks of my days. Lately? Not so much.
My brain is a replica of what you see in andaround our home.
If the kitchen table has anything at all on it, my brain is at least 'that' full. But a true indication of what is happening within my mind, is what you see happening on the desktop of our main computer.
On a 'normal' day, I will have one or two tabs open on the Internet browser so I can quickly check on what my Facebook friends are doing or anything related to my blog. On any other day, I will have numerous tabs open so that I can read something that sounded intriguing ... or look up an answer to something that I was wondering about ... or finish researching something that I was supposed to do ... or any number of things.
If I have my small net-book computer turned on, this is very dangerous indeed. As a rule, I will have my Family Research project opened up. If I have been displaced from our main computer, I will have the Internet browser up and running and opened up to all-that-interests-me-at-the-moment.
This week, I have had to tend to columns that are due, reservations to be made, responding to emails about our Family Research, replying to emails from friends-that-I-have-been-neglecting, my quarterly daycare newsletter that is pending and my daily blog updates here and for my daycare families.
I had not yet opened last Sunday's paper (on Wednesday) when a student walked up our driveway just as we were exiting our car to tell us that we would be receiving a free daily newspaper for a 'nominal fee' to help him with school expenses. A daily paper to read when I cannot even keep up to our free weekly paper?! I don't think so.
I bought myself a magazine to read during my real-life Hotel Oasis Adventure when I attended my high school reunion last weekend. I didn't even open it until two days after I got back home. And it had a crossword inside of it. Me and crosswords! If I see one, I must do it. And it cannot be done half way. It must be done to my satisfaction. Any literature that contains a crossword becomes a-job-that-must-be-done.
The week has not been conducive to finishing that which I have started.
The columns that I intended to submit on Thursday? I finally completed the job two days later. The reservations that I could have made on Thursday? Waited until Friday. This morning, I have tended to all-that-must-be-done and I have been exiting out of windows on the computer with a flourish (as I wrote that sentence, I discovered two unread emails; responded to one and started a reply to the second...).
It is little wonder that I am not accomplishing anything. I am not sticking with one thing until it is done.
It is my goal to turn off the distractions within my world. I want to relearn the habit of starting and finishing one thing before I 'open up' six other 'windows'.
I am tired of starting ten things and finishing none. I believe that I am allowing (inviting) the on-line world to intrude upon my day when it has no business sticking its nose into the cracks of my day. I must deal with the five windows that are open on the computer at this moment and live this day out loud. Even if living it means opening up a book and sitting still for more than two minutes at a time.
I'm tired of feeling that I'm falling behind. I have set unrealistic goals if I cannot complete them. It is time to do a little housekeeping-in-my-mind and tend to that which is truly the most important.