I can't seem to maintain a train of thought these days so I'm just going to sit here and see where my fingers take me. I'm not guaranteeing that it is to one particular destination but I hope that they have a few interesting stops along the way.
I'm feeling a little off my game these days. I tend to want to say I feel some shade of blue but I think it is a little bit more aquamarine. Blue with a shade of green and sunshine, hope and dreams. Yes. That is it. I am feeling a little aquamarine today.
I don't know why there are shades of blue within my make-up right now. I truly have no reason to feel down other than absorbing the seriousness of life around me.
So many people are being dealt some harsh blows. Some of these people are well beyond arm's reach but the ripple effect seems to be hitting me a little bit harder than it usually does. I think it is the unexpected nature of some of the news that I have been hearing. It serves as a reminder that our time here on earth is finite. And I have been wasting that precious gift of time...
Life's little injustices serve a greater purpose in life and in looking back one can usually find the goodness sprinkled among the bad. Sometimes it is easier to deal with the 'big stuff' than it is, to deal with the day-to-day little stuff. I'm not fending off the small stuff as well as I know that I am capable of doing. That frustrates me more than anything. The little stuff is just grating on that one sensitive nerve.
Finances are a concern. Things are getting better and there is much hope on the horizon. But digging oneself out of the hole they have dug themselves into takes perseverance and time. Despite the many life-lessons that are whirling past, through and inside of me these days I tend to feel like I have all the time in the world. It is the perseverance that I am lacking. I am weakening. And I don't like that. Not one little bit.
Negative self-talk is dominating my thoughts. That is most likely the root of much of the shades of blue that are intermingled within the aquamarine that is my mood. I have positive messages coming at me from all angles but I still seem to be berating myself at every turn. Stop that! It is a waste of time and energy. I seem to think I have lots of time ... but it is the energy factor that is wearing me down.
My Youngest has returned to school this week. He played a part in our days and activities within our daycare days over the summer and there is such a big contrast between then and now. I miss him and our little mini conversations throughout the day. My daycare world feels lonely without the interaction of another being that speaks in 'paragraphs'. I am happy that he is back in the world of his peers, learning and interaction. But it is just adds a small dose of loneliness to my days.
Then there are the cats. Oh, our little cat family. To watch them at play is like gazing into an ocean. I do not have any idea where we would be without our little black furry family. Those moments lost in cat wonder turn my day around. I feel light, happy and many shades of yellow.
This post is going nowhere but I will leave you with a moment of 'yellow'. Here is a small video clip of our Junior Cat trying to teach our Senior Cat the joys of playing with an earplug.
Junior Cat seizes every opportunity to seek out and destroy my Second Son's earplugs whenever he finds a chance. This particular morning, Junior Cat ceremoniously placed the his prized earplug at our Senior Cat's feet as if sharing a much coveted bird of prey with someone he adores. Senior Cat looks on and tries to find the glory in this fluorescent orange object but he just can't see what the big deal is all about:
Little things. They have the ability to bring us down. But they also have the power to sustain us and bring us back up just as well.