Something has changed inside of me. It takes so much less to fill and satisfy me than it used to ...
I noticed a change a little while ago when we had several tasty packages of cookies in the house. The cookies had a happy and positive association with a supper meal that My Brother and His Family served to us during our holiday. When I returned home I knew that I wanted 'more of the same', so I bought two packages of these cookies.
I opened the package and realized that the brand was not identical, thus the sensation was a little bit off. But who can go wrong with a basic cookie base with a chocolate covered topping? So I ate them. But the strange part of this was that I could eat no more than three cookies. Per day.
I know, I know ... to most people this is probably too much to begin with. But I know 'me' and this was new for me. I have eaten so much beyond the point of being satisfied, so often that this was a new and foreign land. Satisfying the emptiness inside of me with three cookies?!? What is going on here?
Then I started noticing other little shifts in my norm.
I could only eat a few of my most favorite 'sour' candies at a time. In fact, I have almost stopped craving them at all. Popcorn has lost its appeal. I have eaten some potato chips but mostly in an attempt to rekindle an old love affair with anything of the greasy, salty kind.
My newest passion with food is sour ju-jubes. I want for nothing else. I just want these specific ju-jubes. But (here is the amazing part) I can only eat a handful at a time. I tried to eat more one night when I really, really wanted to stay awake, but I physically couldn't.
Yesterday afternoon, I found myself craving sugar. Sugar in any variety. We were out of snacks, out of cookies, out of everything that I knew to contain sugar. Finally I remembered that we had some milk chocolate, chocolate chips.
Ahhh, the relief of finding a small dose of sugar when I needed it the most. But again, I started and stopped eating these tasty little morsels of goodness within a very respectable time frame. And I was done. My craving was satisfied.
I had to go out and replenish our milk supply last night so I took precautionary measures and replaced our sugar supply as well.
We returned home and it was still early. There was plenty of snacking time left in the evening. But I wasn't craving anything that I had just bought. Trust me, I only bought my absolute favorite things. It was disgusting. I walked up and down the snack, sugar and cookie aisles and thought, "No ... not that ... that isn't what I'm after ... too sweet ... too chocolatey ... nope ... no! ... NO!!"
I bought one box of the cookies I had at My Brothers. I bought some Pringles because they were on sale. I had to go to my favorite bulk food supplier to replenish my sour ju-jube supply. I was very particular about what I bought. Even though I bought nothing by my absolute favorites, I came home and wanted ... nothing.
I am full. I am satisfied. I ache for nothing ... except a little bit of sugar now and again - most especially a sweet/sour combination.
This is very much how I feel about my life right now. It is a perfect combination of sweetness intermixed with a little bit of sour flavor. Oh, the contrasts in life. We simply don't appreciate one without the other.