It wasn't all that very long ago when I wondered "when did they stop writing love songs for me?". It was a little bit of a sad day when I realized that they aren't singing 'my' song on the radio any more. I hear the lyrics and remember a time when those were my feelings, thoughts and emotions they are crooning about. But I simply cannot imagine feeling that way again (insert a sad violin song here).
I have a friend who is recently divorced. She is my age and her eyes are wide open to the Wonderful World of Men. Newly single, she has resumed life again and dated. She doesn't give away too many secrets but when I listen to her, I hear her 16 year old self all over again. It is like we are sitting in the basement of her parent's house, listening to April Wine's record "Forever For Now" over and over and over again. She had very serious crushes in those days. I dated her left-overs. I married the second one and that was the end of that ...
Enough about that. Back to the future now. The reason that I backtracked and wrote of my friend's ability and desire to lay her heart out on the line again, is that I know that love could happen again. To someone else.
I have all but stopped dreaming of a life where I find someone who speaks to my heart and makes it beat a little faster. At this stage of my life, a fast beating heart equates to a health condition. Not love! So I am more than content that my heart beats a regular, steady beat to the tune of life-as-I-know-it. Life is good without the complications of 'a man' tossed in for good measure.
I suppose that I haven't given up altogether. I keep tossing out the idea that I just want 'a Luke' ...
... doesn't everyone watch the Gilmore Girls to know exactly what I am talking about here? The Gilmore Girls ran for seven seasons. 'Lorelai and Luke' were meant for each other from the start. It took them five and a half seasons to realize that. Then ... it was magical. For oh, about a season and a half. But even after they broke up, you knew that they were meant for each other. Television romance. There's nothing like it...
Anyway, I just have a feeling that if love is meant to come knocking on my door again, it will be 'a Luke'. Someone that I have known 'forever' will finally spark into something real.
I had a dream this morning. It was only a dream. But it was vivid. Oh! So! Vivid!
... mid-way into my dream sequence, I realized that the man I was taking home to meet my mother was a shyster. I caught him being himself and I realized that he was not to be trusted. He tried to smooth talk me through the moment and I didn't even bother wasting a breath on him. I knew. He could talk all he wanted. I was done.
... fast forward to the end. I was sitting on the floor and a man that I have known 'forever' was standing beside me. For some unknown dream-reason, I was feeling down and out. And I reached over. I hugged this man's legs (calves). He bent over and draped his arm around my shoulder (yes, I even have G-rated dreams). I was wearing the worn out burgundy cardigan that I have been living in since January, 2012. I looked at the frayed seam on my favorite item of clothing. Then I looked up. Our eyes locked. I had found My Luke.
Then I woke up.
It was not a fuzzy image in my mind. The dream was as clear as day. It could happen again one day. It really could. Couldn't it??
Maybe someone will write a song for me yet ...
**A little bit of dream analysis here, now that I have reread what I have just written. I think that my subconscious mind was focused a little too heavily on my worn out burgundy cardigan. I have been thinking of little else but finding a good replacement for my favorite sweater lately and have not been having good luck with it. I may never find 'my Luke' ... but I really do hope that I find another good sweater!**