Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Word Pinball

I hit the 'open road' Sunday morning and spent three hours with my own company. No internet, no phone, no Facebook, no book project, no TV, no other person, nor pen, nor a computer to bounce my thoughts off of. It was just me and the radio.

It was lovely.

I wish that I had not consciously realized that I was living my dream while I was in the thick of the moment. Suddenly my brain kicked into medium gear and actually wondered how I could best utilize this time. What could I focus on and think about? There were so many things.

Suddenly my thoughts started pinging around in my head like a game of pinball.

Each fresh new idea was launched out of the starting gate with a spring loaded lever. It was energized by its freshness and as I subconsciously lost one train of thought and drifted to another, one ball was lost and a new one was reloaded.

As each new thought was launched I was hopeful that subliminal thoughts and messages would sift to the top and the best path &/or solution would clearly present itself.

I tried to keep the ball in play as long as possible but one thought segued into the next (I guess I kind of suck at playing pinball).

Ping! Ping!! Ping Ping Ping!!!

Bells, whistles and cool sound effects were not part of my internal arcade game but the pinging noise was almost palpable.

Have I thrown too many logs onto this 'fire' of mine? I seem to have initiated a handful of family events. The dates are staggered and most of them simply require making a reservation and 'showing up'. That's easy, right? Right!

The Book Project looms heavily over my shoulders. I must concentrate on that first and foremost, write it up, wrap it up, print it off and write it off. Done! Complete!! It is zapping my energy. This I know for sure.

Then there is the day-to-day challenge of working with one and two year olds. My attention span is no longer than the children I tend. As my thoughts pinged (pang? punged?? what is the past tense of ping, anyway?) around in my head Sunday morning, I was frustrated at my inability to hold onto one thought long enough to see it through to the end. This reminded me (once again) of the Book Project.

Three hours after I left the house, I arrived at my destination. I had a thoroughly enjoyable visit and lunch with my siblings. Then my sister hopped in my passenger seat and we chatted the entire way home (less pinging, more follow-through when you are actually speaking the words).

It was a much needed day. One part solitude. One part nourishment (of the body and soul - sharing lunch with my family fills me up in so many more ways than food alone). One part sister-bonding. Then I returned home with lots of time left in the day to spend the last part doing what I do best. Nothing (I prefer to call this part "Strategizing").

I opened up the blinds yesterday morning and felt so capable of taking on the day ahead of me. I swear that children and pets pick up on these vibes. The calmer I am, the calmer my charges are. I had replenished my coping skills over the weekend and I was ready for my little people.

Even though I didn't feel like I had come to any grand conclusions during my pinball game of words, I released the pressure. I became more of who I am (underneath the weariness of dealing with one and two year old dilemmas for hours and days on end).

All of the other stuff? The get-togethers, the reunions, the planning and reserving? They are all 'done enough' for the moment. I have filed my data away and can bring it out on demand. But for now? I need to write a book.

And that is exactly what I am going to do. One chapter at a time. I can and will do this. Starting ... NOW!!

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