I wake up in the morning and it is pitch black outside. It is so very much easier waking up with the sun is shining in its glory, begging you to come out and play.
Is my ennui based on the declining hours of sun in our days? Surely to goodness, I hope not. Because we are still (just under) a month away from the point where our daylight hours equal our nighttime ones. It is going to be a long, long winter if that is the case.
I felt a quiet ache underneath my skin last night as I made my way through the hours before I slept.
Each and every thing that I forced myself to do last night came at a high cost. I
Then, I wandered over to http://momastery.com/blog/. This morning Glennon is talking about beauty. It is beautiful (you can read about it for yourself here and here).
I cannot begin to describe 'beautiful' verses 'pretty' in the way that Glennon does. She is a master with words. But when she defined beautiful to her daughter, I was sitting right there with her, taking it all in.
"Beautiful means full of beauty" says Glennon Doyle Melton
Glennon took her daughter to the beach that day because she was feeling empty and wanted to fill herself up with beauty.
I read those words and thought "That is exactly how I feel today". I need to look up and outside of myself, my world and my head and fill myself up.
Today I will:
- Sit on the floor and look at the world the way my daycare family sees it.
- I will look into the eyes of the children that are mine for the day and hear what they are not saying.
- We will wander outside and take in all we can absorb. Bugs, birds, planes and clouds.
- I will dislodge myself from all electronic devices and keep my thoughts in the here and now (verses 'out there' in the Internet world).
- I will read when it is quiet.
- I will turn on music that makes me feel alive.
- If I feel the need to write, I will grab a pen and paper (like in the olden days).
I will do my best to do 'all of the above'.
Glennon describes 'pretty' as a way people look. She describes 'beauty' as a way people make others feel when they are around them. I have seen pictures of myself when I am absorbing and reflecting 'beauty' and Glennon is right. 'Beauty' transforms you. From the inside, out.
I found a picture of myself from our family reunion a month ago. My hair was long and my 'roots' needed attention. My shirt was disheveled and I was a bit of a mess. I have no idea if I took the time to put on make up that day. But it was that 'look' that made me think the picture was not awful.
I was surrounded by family. I was filled with beauty. My sister had just 'done unto me, what our mom had done unto her' and I was filled with laughter and joy.
Suddenly it all makes sense to me now. The reason my Youngest Son tells me that I don't look any different with or without makeup or before and after a hair makeover. He sees what is inside of me, not my outer skin. Boy oh boy, there must be days when I am pretty ugly. But thankfully? There are days when I am not.
When I see pictures of myself when I am enveloped in pure joy (family, friendship and dancing are the ones that come to mind) I see something in myself that, though it may not be pretty ... there may be an ounce of beauty within myself. When I am immersed in joyful, beautiful moments.
May you surround yourself in beauty today. It is amazing what is reflected back to you.