Tuesday, August 12, 2014

In the Light of a New Day

The first thing that I was greeted with this morning (after a very good night's sleep, which followed approximately twelve hours of intermittent napping) was a bright yellow piece of paper that was sitting on my dresser. It contained all of the answers that were just beyond my fingertips last night after waking up from my day of rest.

The more yesterday is in the past tense, the more I realize just how 'impaired' I was by the sedation cocktail I was given during my outpatient procedure. In fact, this morning I tried to read the terms and conditions before checking the box to something I had agreed to do and the words started swimming on the page. My 24 hour period has not yet elapsed so I thought that I will wait and read that later today (chances are, that the words will still be doing the back float in front of me - too much legalese is simply too much).

As the fog began to clear, I remembered that I wrote a blog post last night some time before I went to bed. I remember struggling with the words. I remember reading it, rereading it, trying to finish reading it, needing to start over from the beginning to read it start-to-finish over and over and over (and over) again. I remember hitting the 'Publish' button and wondering if I should post it. I knew that I had done it. After giving up on reading the terms and conditions this morning I (almost) immediately found my way back to last night's post. What in the world did I write? Did it make any sense?

I've left it up. It is not life changing. I am not embarrassed by it. But hopefully it will serve as a reminder the next time I go through this procedure. Believe what you are told! Your judgement is severely impaired after this sedation! Do not agree to take care of anyone but yourself when you come home. In fact, the bright yellow sheet of paper that I found this morning states that it is a good idea to have a responsible adult stay with you for the night (I vaguely remember them telling me this and I knew that I had my Youngest Son here if anything unforeseen was to occur).

Most of my memories are like remembering a dream the next day, little recollections were triggered by something that happened later in the day. Then I wondered what was a dream and what was real.

Last night, in all of my blurry wisdom I thought to myself "They should not trust a person to remember what the doctor tells you after this procedure. They should write it down and send it home with the patient."

Then I found it. This morning. The paper was bright yellow. It contained all that I thought that I was told from yesterday (but did not really know for certain).

Yes, I did get the all is clear from the doctor. No, I did not have any suspicious growths or biopsies. Yes, I am scheduled to go back for my next colonoscopy in five years.

It was all meticulously noted on this sheet of paper that they trusted me with, as they sent me on my way.

I feel like an inept kindergarten student. They should have pinned it to my lapel and escorted me to my cab driver who would ensure that a responsible adult was at home, to hover in the background of my day and make sure I didn't sell my soul by signing a legal document within the next 24 hour time period.

It has been 21 hours. I am still legally impaired. The fog is lifting and I see blue sky up ahead.

Just a word of advice to anyone going through a medical procedure which impairs your judgement afterwards. Believe what they tell you and follow their precautions. This is the fifth time that I have been through this and I forget each and every time.

I must print this off and diarize it for five years in my future. Because now that I am coming out the other side of this haze, I think I remember feeling this way the last time too...

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