Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Riding on the Coat Tails of Euphoria

I sent our family book project off to the publishers yesterday afternoon. The moment was not as euphoric as I had thought it would be.

Sending our book on its way, was followed by the immediate need to tend to life-as-I-know-it. My daycare family slept long and hard yesterday afternoon which was exactly what I needed, to tend to submitting 'the book'.

Hitting the 'submit' button to the publishers was followed by children waking up, needing a snack, tending to their bathroom needs and the necessity of getting outside to enjoy the beautiful weather for the remainder of the day.

Once my Daycare Day was over, I thought I would be in a celebratory mode. I asked My Son what he would like for supper to celebrate the moment. His answer was not what I expected.

While I have been busy tending to our Book Project, my son had been dealing with the anxiety of an upcoming school play audition (which was yesterday).

He signed up for the audition in and around the time my book deadline became very real to me. He dreamt about the audition by night. By day, his mind was consumed with the idea of whether performing in front of an audience was 'where it was at' for him (he does not like to feel the need to 'impress' people).

We were each in our own little worlds this weekend. I was 99% consumed with The Book. He was in his room, playing a new video game with friends 95% of the same time. He invited a friend over, to rehearse for the audition for the additional 4% which equated to 1% left over to interact.

Our worlds did not collide, with our full attention spans intact, until his return from his audition late yesterday afternoon.

He was depleted. He may or may not get a 'call back' on his audition on Friday. It is out of his hands (for the moment).

It is a little bit like sending off The Book. That too, is out of my hands for now. It feels good to be this close to the end. But I also know that there will be a last minute rush of things to do and the need to look over and approve the proof copy when it arrives. I have yet one more self-imposed deadline.

If My Son gets chosen for the play, his work will have just begun.

Deadlines. They are necessary. It feels good to meet or beat them. But often, they are simply just another starting point for the next step along the way.

The next step for me, was waking up to the fact that I have column deadlines looming and I need to submit my articles right away.

This is when the euphoria kicked in.

I had been immersed  in a world where I was telling other people's stories and consumed with the idea of ensuring the words which were written were not misleading, untruthful or misconstrued. I was checking and questioning every word I wrote and read.

I didn't realize how hard that job was until I woke up this morning and had only my words contend with and send out into the big, scary world.

Suddenly, that task felt easy. I knew what I wanted to say. I didn't need to question the intent or call someone for clarification or permission. These words are 'mine', to do with as I please. And for some reason, these words sounded 'good enough'. Right from the moment go.

Have I lessened my standards? Am I simply becoming 'too full of myself' and think what I have, who I am and what I send out to the world is simply good enough?

I'm not certain what the formula is at the moment, but I am grateful to simply ride out this wave of euphoria and coast on the realization (if only for a day) that what I accomplish is 'good enough'.

There is always room for improvement. But 'good enough' is where I am right now and I'm going to enjoy coasting in this space for as long as my world allows it.

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