Friday, November 7, 2014

My Room-With-a-Door Has Never Looked So Good

I hate to say it, but I am feeling rather greedy about my upcoming long (long) weekend. I have four days at my disposal. Four entire days. No where I have to be or go or do. Every single thing I decide to do is optional.

I know (part of) one of those days will be spent balancing our family reunion funds to zero. My mind cannot rest until I have every penny accounted for. It is silly. I know. But that is my brain for you. Logical and meticulous when it comes to handling other people's money. It is what it is. I will find this difference and put it aside.

And when I do, I can only hope and imagine that the words (that are being blocked by the numbers) will start to trickle out my fingertips.

In my best case scenario, my words will be aided and abetted by pictures. I long to immerse myself in pictures to remind me of the 'little things', to show me what I missed and to see our family reunion from the outside, looking in.

This will be the first free weekend that I have had, to do with as I please (no book to organize; no bookkeeping hours required; no reunion to plan; no plans to go anywhere) for a very, very long time.

In the five years preceding 'the completion of the book-project', I frittered away time and weekends such as this without blinking an eye (literally - I closed my eyes and slept through much of that free time).

I could look back at those weekends and be disgusted at myself for wasting so much of my time. Granted, I did waste a lot of time. Some of that down-time was necessary. A lot of it was frittered away thinking "I should be working on our book project" but not doing anything about it. 'Shoulding' yourself to death takes an incredible amount of energy. Thus, I slept.

I don't have any 'should-do' list this weekend.

Scratch that. Perhaps I should have a huge one. I should start cleaning this house of ours. That would be a perfect way to channel some of my unspent energy and use it for the greater good.

I should clean. I (think I) need to balance my reunion funds. I want to write. It is time to sit still and have a cat day (I can tell, by the way Senior Cat gazes into my eyes that we need to spend some time becoming 'one' with the couch together). I could run out and have coffee with my sister. I'd like to go out and bond with my new grand-kitty (my Second Son and His Girlfriend have gone on a five day holiday and I am on Pet Detail). I have a pending coffee date with a friend and an invitation from another ...

There is so much to do and only four short days to do it.

I already miss my secluded weekends where I locked myself into my room-with-a-door. I have just made the most incredible memories and have so many warm and happy thoughts are anxious to make their way to the surface of my consciousness. I don't want to lose them. I want to write them out, feel them, relive them and find a way to hold onto them. I want to lock myself in a room with them.

My room-with-a-door has never looked so good. Is it wrong to simply want to close out the world and hover in this place of wonder. Just for four short days??

Life gets too busy too fast. The good stuff gets lost when you don't have the time to sit still with it, hold onto it and cherish it.

That is all I hope for this weekend. Just to hold onto my life and be grateful, satisfied, content and at-one with all-things-good (our family of cats, included).

I don't know what this upcoming weekend will bring. I hope not much. I'm ready for it...

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