Enough

The words "Good Enough" are the words I incorporated into my thinking and lifestyle as the year 2014 wound down to a close.

After many lessons (I ignored) teaching me 'perfection' is not the ultimate goal one should strive for, I finally realized 'done' is better than 'incomplete'. The goal of 'perfection' was keeping me from completing what I had set out to do. So I settled on the goal of Good Enough.

Good Enough proved to be life affirming for me.

I learned to define myself by those very words. 

I am not the best mother in the world. Nor am I the worst.

I am not the best friend, daughter, sister, daycare provider, bookkeeper, writer, yard-maintainer or house-cleaner in the world. Nor am I the worst.

I am not the best at following a budget nor setting or attaining my goals nor striving to be my best self on a day-to-day basis. Nor am I the worst.

I could be so much kinder or more generous or more compassionate or loving or any number of adjectives I use to describe those who I admire. 

I am half the person I wish I was. I am a quarter as good as others think I am. I could and should be more of who I am.

But ... despite all of that. I have given myself permission to believe:

"I am not as good as I could be. But I am good enough."

This new mantra keeps me humble, yet secure enough to accept a compliment without putting myself down in the process. 

My inner dialogue has grown from "I am not the person you believe me to be (and let me convince you how wrong you are)" to "I am not as good as you believe but I am good enough. Amen."

The year 2014 also ended on another note which (in the past) would have threatened the very ground I stand on. Financial stability.

I had recently discovered that I could be losing two out of three of my full-time daycare charges. One, due to an impending maternity leave. The other, due to a change of address (they moved to the opposite end of the city). There also came the concern that losing one three-year-old may affect the my other (part-time) three-year-old's desire to come to my daycare without her friend here.

In the past, this would have been cause for great concern. 

What I have learned from fourteen years of running a daycare, added to thirty seven years of which I have been supporting my own family, is 'it always works out in the end'.

No matter how much I have sat down and tried to budget and account for every penny coming into and going out of my pocket, there is always something I have not accounted for. There is (or at least has not been for me) no such thing as accounting for every and all contingencies (just watch a few dozen home renovation shows and you will see what I mean).

The more I worried, the more things happened.

Then something happened. I stopped worrying.

I have no idea what cosmic forces came into play when I stopped worrying about there being enough income to offset the expenses. But whatever it is, it is working.

I always have 'enough' to pay the bills. And live life, as I choose to live it, as well.

There is enough to indulge myself in that-which-makes-me-happy. Outings with friends and family. Take-out food when I feel like I need it the most. Extra-curricular spending in the form of gifts, trips or extravagances as I deem 'necessary'. There is always enough.

This past Christmas was no exception. The funds I had budgeted for Christmas seemed to get absorbed by other expenses. I gave in very moderate ways but I gave all I wanted to give as well. 

Christmas was 'paid in full' before Christmas Day arrived and I just happened to receive (more than) enough gift money to cover the remaining costs related to my trip to Vegas next month.

Then the calendar page turned and it was 2015. We are ten days into the new year and miracles continue to amaze and astound me. Remember, it takes very little to amaze me.

I ordered a photobook from Walmart and spent a total dollar amount of $9.83. It was supposed to arrive November 27th, but due to circumstances beyond my friendly neighborhood Walmart's control, it was delayed by at least a week. I had considered ordering more books if I liked the result but I couldn't the wait, so I changed my mind. 

I didn't complain but others must have. Because Walmart has voluntarily refunded the full cost of my photobook, as well as the additional photos I ordered the same day (which were also gifts). Not only that, I have a $25.00 credit with Walmart Photo AND 100 free 4" X 6" prints!

A great deal of my Christmas-giving, were pictures which I printed off and mailed to family after our reunion. And Walmart happily refunded me all (or more) than I spent. Thank you, Walmart!!

Then came the daycare-dilemma of 2015.

I didn't actively advertise but I just updated my websites, with my upcoming daycare spots coming available.

I met with one family yesterday. They hired me before they walked out the door. I am (tentatively) meeting another family very soon (to start in the fall).

There is a sense of calm which has taken over my world. Instead of focusing on there being 'too many' daycares in 'too small' of an area, I have started to believe there is still an abundance of opportunities as long as I keep believing in myself, what I do and how I do it.

Then ... I found this article written by my favorite blog author:

http://momastery.com/blog/2015/01/07/hergoodnewsmakesyoufeelbad/