I was digging through the archives of some of my writing yesterday (in a quest to find some column-worthy material during a particularly dry writing spell)...
I came upon this little ditty as I made my way through the archives of this blog - "Don't Worry, Be Happy" http://colleen-lifeasiknowit.blogspot.ca/2012/11/dont-worry-be-happy.html
I reread my own advice and took it personally.
I think the sentence "If I take 'that which I have control over' and either deal with it or else choose not to do anything ... I feel a little more powerful." has been my internal mantra over the course of these past many years.
It is in the situations where I feel I have little or no control that I get a little 'weird'.
I pick up the phone and make phone calls, ask questions, tell-our-story to see if it can make a small difference in the end result and simply try to do as much as I can, when it feels like there is nothing that can be done.
I have a google-addiction. In those same situations where I feel I am powerless, I ask google all the hard questions. I arm myself with information and try my best to place 'real life' within that-which-I-deem-to-be-most-correct (yes, I am aware there is a lot of misinformation out there). I like to walk into a situation knowing as much as I can. I am not a big fan of surprises...
I was young and naive (and just plain stupid) when Dad had a massive heart attack from which he never recovered. I didn't understand the ramifications of the words 'lack of oxygen to the brain'. Nothing I had ever read or understood up until that point of time in my life prepared me for what we would learn one day at a time as we walked down that unfamiliar, new path.
I had my first child exactly the same way. Everything was one big surprise. I was so unprepared. I raised him with exactly that same lack of knowledge and preparedness.
You simply cannot know what sequence of events is about to transpire in your life. It is foolish to dwell on the worst-case-scenarios. You can arm yourself with all sorts of information and knowledge and still be surprised.
But somehow? I find consolation in information. I cannot recall a time where a worst-case-scenario actually transpired. Except the times where I walked into a world where I knew absolutely nothing.
So even in the times where I feel powerless, I try to harness the energy of feeling prepared.
I think we all prepare ourselves in different ways. Hunkering down and gathering your strength to walk through the doors of the unknown is a personal thing.
I have to remember 'my way' is not everyone's way. I'm trying to rein myself in while respecting everyone else's way is just as effective.
Throw five worried souls into a box and shake. And that is what it feels like at the moment. I'm an over-sharer, an over-thinker and (apparently) a bit of a worrier to boot.
May I please revise my two year old post to say "Try Not to Worry ...", because being told NOT to worry is an impossible request.
Do your best. Find your best and unique way to cope. Do what you need to do to get through life's tough spots and try not to worry over that-which-you-have-no-control over.