Tuesday, March 24, 2015

And Then She Called Me ...

The phone rang just before my daycare day normally draws to a close. By some miraculous fluke, not only had all of my daycare children gone, but I had just returned from a walk to the mailbox and our supper was in the oven. The house and my mind were quiet when she phoned.

Mom hasn't called me since before January 9th. I've been the one lifting up the phone and dialing it. She has had a lot of company since that time. I went out to see her twice myself. I've been writing and calling and visiting and writing and calling.

I finally ran out of things to say. Not only to Mom, but to the world in general. I ran out of words.

When she called last night and I was the one to pick up the phone and simply say "Hello", all was right in my world again. This is the natural order of things between me and my mom. I write. She calls. That's the way we roll.

Not lately though. Yesterday was the day it changed.

Yesterday was the day we received the results from Mom's pathology tests on the mass they removed three weeks ago. They all came up benign. She has to go for one last follow up appointment at the cancer clinic and (as her doctor told my brother), "Then we're done with her".

Ever since the word "cancer" was tossed into our world, my center of gravity has been askew.

This has happened before. When my strong, feisty, invincible mom sheds here superhero cape and reveals that she is a mere mortal underneath her brave exterior, my knees go weak.

She is going to be 87 years old in eleven days. I know she won't be around forever but it is still hard to see my strong and vibrant mom travel some of these roads she has never seen before.

When I saw her number on our call display last night, my heart rested. I felt my world shift to a more familiar spot.

We can go back to the place where I write to her and she phones me. Where she phones me!

This equilibrium is what works for us. It's a two way street. The yin, the yang, the give, the take, the I write you, you call me balance is going to shift back to the way it was.

I ran out of words.

The moment I heard her voice on the other end of my "Hello", I realized why I had been feeling so wordless. I had been longing for this day all along. The day where she called me to talk about what she wanted to talk about.

Let the words start rolling again...

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