Friday, May 22, 2015

Commitment Issues

I woke up with a pit in my stomach this morning.

I had a family email to tend; a text message I sent last night, that felt cool and abrupt and I wanted send an apology; a daycare blog to update; a guilty conscience about one of my little people's reaction to the sun/sunscreen combination (thus, a plan to spend today in the shade &/or inside to alleviate the need for sunscreen); PLUS the knowledge that I must work tomorrow.

Thus, I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders today.

I can go with the flow of my life but my tipping point seems to be my weekend employment.

I would and could never say this to my boss. Once I get there, I have no problem (and actually enjoy) putting in a full day's work. I leave feeling satisfied and like I have accomplished something important.

It is simply committing to that day that depletes me. This is why I find it so very, very hard to plan ahead these days.

Yes, I just booked a four-day visit to see my uncle. But there was an ulterior motive. By doing so, I freed up those four days I would have "spent" during my ten day summer vacation.

I am/was feeling a small amount of anxiety because I forfeited a week of summer holidays this year, in lieu of the extra days off I had to ask for over the course of the past year.

I need to keep my  holidays commitment-free.

I hate when I wake up in the morning and feel so completely depleted before I even place one foot on the floor.

This is my most unfavorite day of the week. Waking up to the knowledge that my weekend is not my own.

I think I have "commitment issues"

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