Tuesday, June 16, 2015

A Quilt in the Making

My thoughts are as scattered as the individual pieces of a quilt strewn across the floor before they are sewn together to create something unique and personal and beautiful.

I have hoarded too many quiet Sundays to myself. I feel there is purpose behind this solitude. Different thoughts are wafting through my mind due to the quiet. That is something, isn't it?

I know it is time to reach out and share my down-time with friends. It is one thing to think it, another to say (or write) it. It is a whole different thing altogether to do it. Why does it feel so hard?

I'm feeling like a mother-failure in many ways. Maybe it is because I have felt so greedy with my time but in reality that has little to do with it. My boys are all spreading their wings in different ways and this is good. Our family seems to have an "elastic" quality to it. We can pull away from one another but the elasticity of our relationships bring us back to one another in good times and in bad.

I have been looking back and romanticizing my past. I am grateful for that but I don't want to get stuck here. I am happy that I can look back and remember the good stuff, while keeping my feet on solid ground in the present, at the same time. The secret is to look back fondly, have no regrets and move forward.

I have been beating myself up on a rather regular basis lately and I'm tired of that nagging little voice inside my head. I recognize the truth within and know I have to listen to some of what that voice is saying, otherwise I could easily get stuck here.

I've been sitting in "this place" for quite some time now and I have run  out of excuses. It is up to me, and no one else, to start shifting the tides.

I stumbled across this on my Facebook page:

I think "Facebook" is trying to steer me in a better direction.

I have lost my focus. I don't have a dream to push and drive me. I think I need to open up the gates to the possibilities that are out there.

I think I need to sit down with all the pieces of this "quilt" and see what kind of design I can come up with.

I think it's time for a little Friend Therapy. A good dose of conversation intermixed with laughter and shared history will guide us to where we most need to be.

I say "we" because as I sit and write this, I just received an email from a very good sister-friend of mine and I hear she is sitting in a place very similar to me. Different "pieces" to assemble but feeling a little lost just the same.

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