This "not holidaying" is hard work. And a tad expensive.
July is only half over and I've flown across the country for a small reunion of a meaningful kind (with Mom, my uncle and my cousin). Then we all reunioned again the following weekend, within a gathering of over one hundred.
I've spent money with abandon, panicked for a few short moments here and there when I was a little bit afraid there would be a shortfall but when I stopped and tallied things up, there was always enough. Always.
I spent time and energy when I had it. When I was depleted, I rested. I am good at resting. I'm so grateful for my ability to stop and recharge my batteries when they start to run low.
There have been days that have not been long enough. There didn't seem to be enough hours in the day as I tried to do all I wanted to do before both of these reunions. Then while I was reunioning, the days didn't feel long enough to visit as much as I hoped to visit.
There have been highs and there have been lows. The high of getting where we hoped to go and seeing who we wanted to see. The low of returning home to life as I know it.
As I drove back home from our last reunion, I felt my heart sink. The excitement levels took a crash. Not of epic proportions, but I recognized the feeling. "What now?" seemed to be a lingering thought from my past, as I drove away from the good stuff and headed back to the place I love most. Home.
Was it because I drove home alone, after days of social interaction? I love being alone. I enjoy thinking my own thoughts without the distraction of other words, other people and other obligations.
"Why so low?" I quietly wondered to myself.
The closer I got to home, the better I felt. Suddenly I was focused on what awaited me at home. Sorting through the memories, putting words to them, documenting them, looking at the few pictures I did take.
Responsibilities awaited me. Real life was at the end of my road and I didn't have a choice but to shake myself out of my doldrums. There were still things to do; people, cats and a house to tend to; and a job to wake up to the next morning.
It would have been so easy to simply coast into the low that follows the high, if life didn't demand more of me.
What if I didn't have those responsibilities at the end of my fun? What if I didn't feel like I had a purpose and could just go home and coast some more? Would that be a good thing? For me??
I thrive on "purpose". I excel at "doing nothing". But doing nothing isn't good for me.
I'm grateful to have a life where I can't coast for excessive periods of time. It can be done, but only in moderation.
No matter how much or how little I have to do, I seem to do better when I squeeze my to-do-list in between the cracks of busyness.
Now all I have to do is rest up and recouperate so I'm ready for my week of holidays when they arrive. A holiday with no plans whatsoever. This could be good. It could be bad. Time will tell. But for now, "nothing" sounds very good indeed.