I have had times when I had to keep what I thought was life shattering news to myself. I had to process it, come to terms with it and find my way through it alone before I could say the words out loud.
There was a time when I did not want to hear platitudes and the words people say to convince someone "everything is going to be okay" at a time when the only person who can say that with truth and conviction was a doctor.
Then there was the time when I was holding on by a thread. I couldn't believe the situation I was in. I was embarrassed, alone and couldn't say the words. It was a time when I needed the lifeline only friends and family could cast towards me. I didn't realize my silence was bringing me down lower than I needed to be.
There was another time when it was between "me and a man" and we had to face the truth of our demise. It was happening so very slowly for so long before it became our reality that it took a while for me to say the words out loud. And when I finally did, I could not believe the relief I felt by living my truth out loud again.
Each and every one of those times, the weight of the world was lifted once I spoke the words I was so desperately trying not to say.
Yes, I had to come to terms with things and find my own way in my own time. But the moment I trusted someone else to listen to my story, I knew I was back on a road that would take me in a direction I needed to go.
Each and every time I sat still with my words, my story, my worries and my fears I was sitting at a fork in the road and feeling paralyzed.
By the time I spoke the words, I was ready to accept whatever anyone else thought or said. Good, bad or indifferent. I was ready.
I understand it takes time to process some things. A lot of time.
If you think your support system is not aware of something bigger than life going on in your world, you are mistaken.
They may misinterpret the silence, the isolation and the cold shoulder to mean something it's not. Or even worse, they may not understand that you actually need someone more than you realize yourself.
If you are struggling today, find someone you trust. Speak the truth out loud. Take some of the weight off of your weary shoulders by accepting help if necessary or at least to share the burden.
They say "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger", but let's not kill ourselves softly by trying to be too strong.
"Staying quiet doesn't mean I have nothing to say, it means I don't think you're ready to hear my thoughts." ~ Unknown