I had the best day of my daycare career a few days ago. I was calling it a "textbook" kind of day. The kind of day that was nothing out of the ordinary but it was extraordinary in its ordinariness. Does that make any sense? It was simply the kind of day I envisioned having every day when I took on this daycare career. I felt the way I expect myself to feel every day. I was calm, cool and attentive. The kids were all getting along and content with everything we were doing. It was really quite wonderful.
I was wafting along on that delicate little cloud feeling absolutely marvellous about a thoroughly ordinary day. I should have known something was up. Why did I feel that good over something so little? Hmmm.
Well, no more did I not have the time to ponder the thought that never crossed my mind before an innocent message from one of my parents knocked me off my cloud and into a deep, dark valley. I became obsessively worried about another non-event. A simple question which had me questioning "What was I thinking?? Why didn't I handle that differently?? What is wrong with me?"
I tossed and turned all night, knowing that I was over-reacting, over-feeling, overly concerned about something that simply needed a little clarification. I needed to be let off the hook. I needed to hear the words, "Oh, okay. I understand." You don't always get what you need in life. Get over it, girl! Pull up your socks and move on.
So I did.
The next morning, I got the "Oh, okay. I understand" message I needed so badly. Then I heard from one of the editors I write for. I simply asked a question and I wasn't prepared for the answer I received. I just wondered how my stats were doing on the blog I write. I stopped promoting myself on my Facebook page and I wondered if that had had any impact. Turns out the answer is a resounding "YES". Recently my page views have been "zero to five" per post. Yikes. I'm not writing anything of value it seems (you may find me doing a little promoting on this page too). And hey, if anyone has a moment, please feel free to stop by and read me at http://www.mykawartha.com/blog/1594830 (link is on the left hand side of this page). At the moment I just use some of what I write here as my posts over there, but I'm thinking it's time to change that up, to spur on a little better quality of writing...
Back to my original point.
It seems every little thing I felt, the past few days has been magnified by about a hundred (maybe a thousand). My good day that felt extraordinary was the best side effect of all of this. Little things that should have gotten no more than a passing glance (and note-to-self, to do better in the future)? Not such a good feeling to have magnified by a thousand (maybe a million).
Back in the day, one may have blamed hormones on this swell of emotions over nothing that really matters. In fact there may be a little hormonal imbalance that wreaks havoc on my coping mechanisms to this day. It seems likely, because I can usually roll with this kind of stuff better.
Let's just say I've been overly sensitive the past few days. I'm much better now. Except today .... (and I could go on and on and on about a story about taking three small children for a forty five minute walk to buy batteries for a singing Christmas tree which (once it got the batteries it needed) just about drove me around the bend I had just drove around about a million times before today). I'm sure you don't want to hear about "today". Maybe I won't write for a few days. Maybe every little thought I write doesn't need to be written down and documented (except maybe I should document these overly sensitive days, so I can plan a little better for them if I discover a cycle).
Well that is enough out of me for a week. It's time to turn off my brain, turn on some Christmas lights and stare into space without thinking. Maybe I'll try that. Feeling a little overly sensitive yourself? Why not come join me? We can sit and stare and not talk and not feel together.