Saturday, December 12, 2015

Sitting Still With the Morning

I'm sitting here in my warm, quiet little "writing room" nestled deep inside of our home and enclosed in three "inside walls" which seem to be exactly what I need and where I most want to be.

The evolution of where the computer now lives, since it got ousted out of the living room proves to be an interesting one.

During the week, it lives on the movable "island" (a little white table) in the kitchen. It is in the hub of our home and everything I write feels like it's all part of the job when it lives there.

I tote it into the daycare "quiet room" while my little people settle in for their afternoon naps and I start to write our daily daycare blog post from there.

But the weekend!? Ahh!! The weekend! I ceremoniously carried the most precious extension of my brain into my warm, cozy and quiet little oasis last night and I couldn't wait to sit still with my coffee and see what words came to me this morning.

Our little black cats have shadowed me throughout the morning. I go through the paces of what-I-do, enveloped in a sense of wonder and awe of the simplest of things which bring the greatest feelings of contentment. "I have a wonderful life" is a very common theme to the thoughts I think, as I wake up and step into a new day.

How very fortunate I am to wake up to "this". All of this. This peace and contentment within my heart, my home, my family and all of its extensions. I live in a world without drama, except that which I create in my own mind (well maybe my little daycare family creates a little self imposed drama which infects our day from time to time too).

Let me stop here and take a little snapshot of this moment in time because we all know this can change in a fraction of a second.

I am centered, I feel whole, I feel content and I feel strong. I am living in a world I have created. I work from home, my income exceeds my outgoing expenses, my family unit is at peace with one another and I feel capable of handling "whatever happens" within my small little world.

Life is not perfect. I know I don't know all my children are thinking, feeling and living with but I feel like they know they can talk to me. I sit here and think of all I don't know, but all that I feel. I feel so much. So much of what I feel is good. I am so grateful for the harmony within our family. So grateful.

Last Sunday, I spent the day rereading the events of the first five months of this year. I reflected on all the words I didn't write. The way I felt blind sided before Mom had surgery this past spring. I looked back on the months before Andre, our Senior Cat, died. Before Mom told us of her trip to the doctor, we knew nothing. Before Andre died, I kept thinking maybe I was over-reacting. Maybe he wasn't as sick as I thought he was...

I remember the peace and contentment I felt when I woke up to a quiet, innocent Christmas morning last year and just revelled in the moment. Then we flipped the calendar page into a new year and "life happened". There are so many details I have omitted. So many who touch my world have walked such a tough and twisty and difficult new path.

The past year was scary, it was sad and it was hard, but we endured. I look back and think of all the wheels that were already set in motion at this time last year, that I was completely oblivious to. I just marvelled in the moment when the moment was good.

Life can change on a dime. It has in the past, it is happening as I sit still in this moment and it will happen again. But "this", this contentment, this strength, this state of feeling whole and centred and grounded ... "this" is what I have to keep coming back to when the hard times hit home. "This" is good. "This" is real. All the other stuff is inevitable and hard. But if you have "this" at the core of it all, all the other stuff feels a little more manageable.

"This" is not at all what I thought I was going to write when I sat still with my cup of coffee in my cozy little writing den. But I'm glad these are the words that my fingertips had to tell.

Find your cozy little oasis today. Nestle deep into it, grab a hot cup of your favorite beverage and be still. Find your centre. When you feel grounded, you start to find your strength. May your world be solid under your feet today so you can move forward from "here", no matter where "here" is for you.

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