As my holiday winds down to a close, I am happy and relieved to say it was long enough.
The first six days of my ten day vacation were committed. They weren't busy. I was just committed to do something or be some place and be present and accounted for. Pretty much like my day-to-day life.
"Committed" is a word that describes my life. I am not all that terribly busy but my days and weeks are mapped out for me. Sunday is the day I carve out for myself. Whether it is to do nothing or to do something or to do anything in between, Sunday is "my" day.
I have just had four consecutive Sundays in a row. I am rather disappointed to say I have wasted most of that which I was given.
Day #1 - I boiled turkey bones. All day. My pot was not big enough to do the job in one fell swoop, so I turned a minor task into a full day job. That (turning a small job into a big one) is what I do. A lot.
While I boiled bones, I did a week's worth of word puzzles that had accumulated in my absence. I caught up reading the blogs I follow. I quite literally wasted an entire day away on the computer. And accomplished nothing. Except five containers of turkey broth and home-made turkey soup for supper.
I gave myself a pass on Day #1. I tell myself that I needed that day.
Unfortunately, Day #2 wasn't much better. I collected and tallied month-end and year-end financial numbers. I compared "where I was" to "where I am" and I shouldn't have been surprised to find that I am almost in exactly the same place as I was a year ago.
Yet I was still surprised. How could I fritter away an entire year and have so little to show for it?
So I went and watched movies. All day. I've had "movie marathon days" before and usually come out of that kind of day inspired with some little nugget of perspective I didn't have before I started the day. Not this time. I wasted an entire day.
That brings me to Day #3. I barely remember that day and it was only yesterday. I played with a "GST Return" and ended up with more questions than answers. I fiddled around with a little project I started but didn't go far with that.
I took down Christmas decorations and wondered why I didn't take time to appreciate the lights this year. I turned on the lights for my daycare family. I turned on the lights for my own family on Christmas Day. But I didn't sit still and savor the light this year. Not once. I was too busy tending to the details of things-to-do-before-Christmas in rooms that weren't adorned by Christmas lights. It was the first time I regretted moving the TV and computer out of the living room.
And I washed my hair. It was a very hard day for me. But I endured.
I haven't stepped out the door in three full days. Okay, I took out the garbage on the first day. But since then? I haven't taken one step outside of our home.
I wrote "all of the above", walked away from the computer and tried to figure out exactly how I had frittered away an entire year, then (subconsciously) slapped myself in the head and said, "DO BETTER this upcoming year!"
This year, the slate is clean. That which sapped my resources is done and in the past. The only reason I feel depleted these days is because I am not expecting enough of myself.
I flipped back through the calendar pages and see that I did not waste an entire year. I went places and did things. I started spending my energy and resources on fixing up and decluttering our home. I have taken that-which-I-have and shuffled things around so life feels all shiny and new. And I didn't spend a penny doing that (that isn't counting the great window renovation of 2015). I spent a lot of money on the house but I culled through that very same house and made a little money selling off the excess as well.
I walked away from this computer and made plans with this day and now I must set out and follow through on them. My Christmas vacation of 2015 is going to end on a high note. I am meeting my son for lunch, I have invited friends over for supper and I am going to run those errands which I have been putting off since I got home four days ago.
It's going to be a very good day. Perhaps at the end of it, I shall survey my life and set out a few introspective renovation projects for myself. Perhaps ...