I knew I had to push myself out of my head and into the world more. I recognized when I started to make the transition. I had one "date" per week written down on my whiteboard. Granted, two of three of those dates were appointments, but the way it had been hurting to leave the house I knew even making appointments was important and worthy of recognition.
Then I lived the past week.
My son came over for a Sunday supper. Not a big deal for most people, but for me it was huge. I don't like to cook. When I do, it is under duress. But I assembled a no-stress, easy peasy, family favorite (spaghetti and meat sauce) and the meal was all it needed to be. It was an excuse to sit down at the same table and talk.
Two days later, my sister and her husband needed a place to stay so they were close to the hospital where he was having early morning day surgery. One thing led to the next and the next thing we knew, my sister spent two more nights here. She was an incredibly easy guest to have about and having another adult to bounce my words off of, at the end of my day was a gift. I thought I was out of words. It turns out, I was just out of "ears". Thanks, sis!
I spent one night alone and the day following that, I ran out to see Mom. The thought of sacrificing my much anticipated alone-time, to spend it travelling and visiting felt daunting at first. But that soon evolved to gratitude and appreciation when I saw how happy Mom was to have me show up on her doorstep.
I came home to column deadlines and life-as-I-knew-and-expected-it. How lucky is that?
A person plans, makes appointments, sets little goals each and every day. It seems tedious, repetitive, thankless and never-ending. But when a week unfolds pretty much like you expect it to, you are beyond lucky.
As I wiped three to-do-items off the white board last night I quietly thought "Thank you". I'm simply grateful for the tedium which is my life, that allows life to unfold just the way I hoped it would when I wrote those things down.
I'm grateful for the seeds which have been planted as I wade my way through Brené Brown's "Living Brave" course. I am starting to run behind and after watching the video portion of the lesson I have walked away and come back to do the exercises when I have time. I hastily answered her questions a few nights ago because I cannot stand to be two lessons behind and it was as if she was sitting there on the other end of my computer reading as I typed. Her final words of advise after this particular lesson was "do not rush through this course". You want these lessons to seep "into your bones" and become second nature to you. I berated myself for rushing my way through. Until I reread my recent blogs. My answers to the questions within my course have been written into my blog posts and they have penetrated my conscious mind.
I'm doing better than I thought I was. Perhaps my healthy eating and living goals have fallen by the wayside as I tend to the clutter which is my life, but I can come back to those. Or maybe, just maybe these little fitness goals are seeping into my bones more than I realize. Big, drastic changes that happen over night are hard to maintain. Small, imperceptible changes which you don't see until you look back and compare yourself to where you are to where you were are more life-altering.
Bit by bit, I hope I am changing my world. It feels a little better already. I may not be there yet, but I believe I may be on my way.
|This is the inspirational quote I woke up to this morning - I think I may have accidentally stumbled onto "The key to life", just by living it as I do!|