Saturday, April 16, 2016

Tapped Out

I walked into the week on "full" and I am stepping into the weekend on "fully depleted".

My daycare days have challenged me to the max and I'm completely tapped out. I have had hard conversations (more like texts and emails, as that seems to be the only means of communicating when small people are underfoot) with parents. I delicately worded what is happening within our days and hoping if I can get to the root of the troubles, the spiralling behaviour which has been happening as a reaction to the "actions" of others will start to dissipate. That didn't happen this week. We have a lot of "undoing" to do before we get back to square one again.

I was out of the house three nights out of five this past week. That exceeded my maximum by at least "two". Note to self: "Say YES to Friday outings; and "Thank you, but I just CAN'T to the rest". At least until I get my daycare days under control again.

I cannot wait to get this Satur-work-day behind me. I am hoping we run out of work before the clock chimes "5 o'clock". I wish I had a little worker bee running around getting my groceries and would have supper on the table for me when I got home (supper on the counter would suffice - sitting and eating at the table sounds like it would require conversation and I think my voice box and thinking muscle are running on fumes).

I feel like my thoughts are focusing on the negative FAR too much these days. Focus on the negativity and watch your mood follow your thoughts. It is time to focus on that which is good. This is my Saturday morning gratitude journal. These are the things I am most grateful for:
  • I work with and for the best parents I could ever hope to work for. The lines of communication between us feels open, well maintained and we can "do hard things" as long as we talk our way through.
  • I have friendships that survive the dry spells between visits and the desire to keep connected remains strong despite life's other commitments. I am so fortunate that I have invitations that bring me "outside my box" and people who accommodate my will to "live within my box" as much as necessary.
  • I have a home to maintain, clean and accommodate my chosen field of work. I could do every single thing I do, within the confines of my home. Investing in our home feels like an investment in my future because I hope to continue to make a living within these four walls of ours for as long as possible.
  • I have the means, desire and time to do what is most important to me. Dreams without follow through are wisps of energy that float up to the sky and get lost. I will continue to do small things which lead me down the path to where I want to go. One step at a time.
  • I have more things to do, than time to do it. There will come a day when I have too much time on my hands and lose the desire, ability and drive to do things that feel important to me right now. Savor this day. It may feel overwhelming at times but when I close my eyes at night knowing there was more I wish I could have done, it means I have more than I know what to do with.
  • I have a body that does what I need it to do. It sustains me, pushes through, allows me to sleep and propels me throughout each and every day with ease. That statement alone is worth more than everything else combined.
  • I am surrounded in a world of wonderful people. People who believe in me, listen to me, extend kindness, courtesy, invitations and conversation. I have a support network which keeps me standing when all I want to do is sleep.
  • I truly "have it all", don't I?
  • I am grateful. I am truly grateful.
Now I must pack up this body of gratitude and push my way through this work day. There is a pot of gold at the end of this rainbow. It may be take out food and pajamas but that is worth its weight in gold to me. It is enough. And so am I.

Happy Satur-___-day to You! (fill the blank with whatever is driving your day today - I hope it is something that brings you joy)

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