I go to sleep feeling exhausted, then I wake up and live my day feeling exactly the same way. It would almost be a relief if there was some physical ailment that was causing this but I'm pretty sure it's just my state of mind. I need to focus on gratitude.
I avoided the back yard on the weekend. I was so relieved when I came home from work on Saturday and it was raining. I couldn't mow the grass. Yay!!
Then I woke up to a sunny Sunday. I knew the grass would yell at me if I went outside so I spent the entire day in my room. I watched Gilmore Girls on Netflix. All. Day. Long. It felt so incredible. Except there were some "hard things" that had to be done. I did them. I got dressed. I made supper. I made my son's lunch. I cleaned cat litter. I pulled out everything to make the house "daycare ready" the next morning. Then I climbed right back into my pajamas and fell asleep.
I sat back and gazed at all we have as I lived through yesterday.
Our yard is looking rather wonderful due to all the recent rain.
My daycare family played and played some more in our backyard wonderland. We didn't have to go anywhere because we have everything we need. Right here.
My little oasis that is 100% maintenance free and completely off limits to the kids is awesome.
I sit on that swing and the weight of the world is lifted off my shoulders. My handyman told me he would create a "zen space" for me to sit after my daycare family left for the day. He accomplished his mission. I sit in that space and feel so peaceful.
Then I stare off into the space and watch our two black cats explore our world.
I come inside and it is more of the same. Everything I want and need is under this roof. My bedroom simulates the feeling of a hotel suite. The moment I enter my room, my sanctuary, I start to relax and shut down.
The house is stocked with everything we need to get by. The cats could use some cat food but really, that is all that is lacking at the moment.
I have everything I need. Right in my own back yard. It is really no wonder that I don't like leaving home.
I live in the land of plenty. I have created the home of my dreams. It needs a little cleaning and decluttering as per usual. Its excesses exhaust me. Perhaps that is where this exhaustion stems from. With great gifts come great responsibility. For that, I am eternally