I feel like I've been creating my own special brand of drama over here in my small corner of the world.
In a nutshell, I was in a position where I was caught in a place where I could do and say nothing, then complain endlessly about a situation which was worsening instead of getting better. Or, I could say something and let the cards fall as they may.
The cards fell and I'm not certain what can be salvaged. But I am very relieved that I said "something". My daycare business has taught me a very good lesson in all things life related. I am the one who is in control here. If I choose to say nothing, then I'd better be prepared to deal with things not changing. If I want things to change, I am the one who must take the initiative and start hard conversations.
The day was a tough one. I called myself "Schmuck" for the duration of said day. Then at the end of the same day, there was a meeting of the minds and I felt it was better that I had said something, rather than leaving things go on the way they were. I forgave myself and dubbed myself "Un-Shmucked" and carried on.
Then I went to live another day.
That day would be yesterday. Granted, it was one of the easiest daycare days I have had in a while but there was such a sense of peace and relief within me. All day (well, there were a few moments during our "un-quiet" quiet time that I lost my cool). But the peace returned. Immediately.
I had done the right thing.
Sometimes hard conversations have to be had. It is risky business. Saying what is on your mind without offending, hurting or starting a back lash of accusations and words that can't be unsaid is a very real possibility.
Thankfully, my world seems to be full of people who don't lash out at me. That hasn't always been my reality and I know that situation could change on a dime. But as a rule, I have found if there isn't an accusatory tone and the wording is more about "how this is affecting me" and stating my limitations without pointing a finger and saying "You need to do this or else" (or wording that implies that), things don't (usually) escalate to a point of no return.
All I know for sure is that I am very relieved to have laid my issues and concerns on the table. I have stated my limitations and have a "check in" point stated. I have a game plan and have asked for assistance in the short term. Then we will go forward from there.
My brave new world starts "today". My daycare is officially full. Every day. All day. I am struggling with three out of five of my little people so I have hired my son to help me through the mornings for the next three weeks. Then I will be on holidays and have time to regroup, rest and hopefully be ready to carry on as planned.
I have fretted and stewed and complained long enough. It is time to make a move. Perhaps that time was six months ago but I didn't have a full house then. I do now. It is a scary new world.
I write these words and I am reminded of those who are dealing work situations far worse than my own. My friend's husband was laid off work this week due to a work shortage in the oil industry. They have barely bounced back from his last lay off a few years ago. Another friend's employer laid off 300 people in their workplace and their plant has shut down.
I have so often said that if lack of money is the worst of our troubles, we are very lucky indeed. Let me rephrase that. If we have enough money to pay our bills effortlessly we are richer than many, luckier than most and blessed to not be in a position where we are scrambling to keep on top of our expenses.
I am feeling pretty fortunate.