Friday, September 9, 2016

Baby, It's Dark Outside

I haven't been doing a very good job of maintaining a regular wake up time, so the shift to early morning darkness has taken me by surprise. The first time I woke up to full fledged darkness at 5 a.m., I wondered who turned out the lights. Man, it's dark out there in the morning.

Our spring felt like summer and summer sped by in a blur. Summer is gone and I have not yet managed to get out (and stay out) of last year's winter blues. I feel better than I did, but I never did get completely sunshiny and happy within and hold onto it this year.

I have a feeling fall may be the season where I realign my inner self with the seasons of the year. I will shed my leaves of the past and start the process of coming back to life. Perhaps after a slightly dormant spell.

Shedding the excess within our home has been a very good place to start. It doesn't show quite yet but that will come. I can already feel the shifting of the tides.

I look forward to dormancy. Stillness. Quiet. Time to sit still and see the wonders of small things again.

It feels natural to follow the flow of the seasons right now. I will have wound down my daycare by the time the winter season officially begins. The days will be starting to get longer by the time I enter the next phase of my "new growth". It will be winter outside but the sun will be starting to regain its foothold on darkness.

I don't know what winter has in store but I do know that I do not want to push the envelope right now. I have an opportunity for temporary full time employment but I will lose the very tentative hold I had on my financial state of affairs. I refuse to panic over the fact my finances may also be undergoing a sense of dormancy throughout the winter ahead because I have been craving a year's leave of absence from the world of work. I need this right now.

I will try to squirrel away what I need to weather the winter ahead. I started a little late in the season but it is better than not having started at all. It will be okay. It always is.

I don't know what spring holds in store but I have faith that it will all work out. If I don't let fear rule me, the sun will overtake the darkness and I will find what I need in the light of day.

I can't look too far ahead right now. I will follow the ebbs and flows of the seasons and know that spring always follows winter. But do you know what? I'm anticipating the season of dormancy I feel coming. I'm not afraid of the dark.

It's going to be okay. It always is. It is always darkest before dawn and baby, it's dark out there.

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