This abbreviated work week is full of all kinds of diversions and twists from the norm. I don't know how it will end but any week that starts on a Tuesday is off to a running start.
The week started with an afternoon road trip which ended with me visiting with my sister in her park like back yard. The visit was short, sweet and a complete treat. The day wound down by heading off to "Danceland" for a little stroll down memory lane before we headed for home.
Danceland - I love the pictures that waft through my mind at the sound of that word. Yesterday I got to wander inside and take a peek at a small piece of local history which has transcended all time. As I gazed upon the dance floor, I could feel the past come up and touch me.
The desire to dance keeps coming to the forefront of my mind.
- Dancing is more effective than counselling
- Remembering those joy filled dance years
- Keeping in touch with friends from the dance studio
- An invitation to "like" my old dance studio's Facebook page
- Mom's love of dancing and her encouragement when I danced ...
Walking into the dance hall at Danceland rekindled all of those thoughts and made me wonder. Could I? Should I? Would I dance again??
Heaven knows I need the exercise! A little side order of "joy" sounds pretty enticing too.
It started slowly and picked up speed, but I have actually made plans, bought tickets and looked beyond "today" for the first time in a long while. Writing an upcoming commitment on the calendar no longer holds the power to paralyze me as it has done in the past. I'm spending money like there's no tomorrow.
I panicked at the way money seems to be flowing through my carefully planned budgeting scheme and chastised myself for spending so frivolously. Then I reminded myself that I have done this in the past. I have looked ahead, booked ahead, gone away and made memories. I didn't worry about the money and reminded myself over and over and over again - it all works out in the end.
I have spent much more money than I will be spending this upcoming summer. I did it during a time when my bills were higher, my pay cheque was lower and I had less available time than I do right now. I knew there would be no regrets. I just knew it.
I look back and think back on those whimsical trips and I was right. Even at the time, I was pretty sure I would never live to regret those indulgences, the memories made and the money that fell through my hands during what were some of the leanest, but best years of my life.
The dream has to come alive again. It is coming. It is a little frightening but I am starting to break free from the cocoon I have spun around myself.
I have to break free of these restraints myself. I have not yet found the courage to say "yes" to everything. My wings are not that strong quite yet. But what I have found is that I am regaining my strength by learning when I need to say "no". When the mere idea of saying "yes" saps me of all I have become, I know I need to say "no".
Small steps, accepting and issuing easy invitations, choosing what I know I am capable of doing and inviting others to join me feels empowering.
My wings are fragile but they are becoming stronger with each invitation to come out and rejoin the world again.
Will I dance again? Maybe. Just not quite yet ...
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