What is Next?

As I look back at "life", I can see how one life event prepared me for what happened next. I have learned the lessons I have needed to know in order to take the next forward step. Life has been very kind that way. It has taught me everything I have needed to know.

Our Senior Cat's illness and eventual death taught me how to advocate, show up and just enjoy the moments we had, while we had them. We didn't know what was around the next corner but we learned to savor the good stuff.

I was as mentally prepared for his death as one could possibly be. My head knew. But my heart hadn't caught up. The days preceding and following the day Andre took his last breath were heart breaking.

I learned that it was an honor to be with him when he died. He was not alone. It was sad but the consolation was knowing HE knew he was not alone.

I learned everything I needed to know to walk a very parallel path with Mom. She was not alone when she took her last breath. Who was with her wasn't as important as knowing SOMEONE was with her. I truly believe she knew she was not alone.

What was life preparing me for?

The irony does not escape me that both of the men I have had long and lasting relationships with, are struggling with their own health issues.

My (ex)husband has his parents and family to walk this walk with him. Though his future is bleak, he is not alone. For this, I am grateful.

It is my youngest son's father who is a concern. He is very much alone. He lives alone. Though two of his children live close by, he leads a rather isolated life. He is not well and seems to be getting progressively worse.

He has asked for my help.

I loved this man. I have respected this man. He is the father of my child. He is a good man. And he is alone.

I know the rule that has guided me through my life since Dad was hospitalized will prevail. A counsellor suggested I guide my actions by asking myself the question: "What can you live with after he is gone?"

What is next? I don't know. One step in front of another. What can I live with? The next right thing. Show up. That is all I know ...