Once again, I had the kind of day where I followed through on some ideas that were whirling around in my head. One idea is in the 'up in the air' stage as I wait to hear back from people. The other idea I had was to print off my blog and give it to my aunt to read.
She is in the hospital and I had gone to see her yesterday. Her parting words to me were something like, "If you ever write another book, I'd like to read it!" So in the 'quiet' of the morning, her words came back to me. I thought I could print off my blog entries and drop them off for her to peruse through, while she was confined to the hospital.
So I did it. The meanderings of my mind could be extremely tedious to go through. But a lot of the thoughts and feelings that I had before/during/after The Book have been documented here, so I thought there could be some interest for her. And besides, sometimes when you are in the hospital it is simply nice to have a diversion.
I dropped it off tonight and I'm glad I did. She had received bad news today and is scheduled for surgery on Thursday.
Just before I arrived, she said the news was starting to settle in. She talked about the events of the day and her concerns. It sounds like she has a wonderful doctor and she is so relieved that she is in the hospital - for her sake and her daughters. She said this way her daughter doesn't have to worry about her because she is being well taken care of.
This is an aunt that I have always felt a connection to, because Mom talked so much of her family and I felt like I knew this aunt better than I actually did. Then when we were collecting stories for The Book, I got to know her so much better. We exchanged letters, phone calls ... and I got to read her write-ups of her life (almost) first hand. It was an honor and a pleasure to feel this connection that I always felt that I had, become real. So when I found out that she was in the hospital in the city, there was no doubt in my mind that I would go to see her.
So her news today is unsettling. She is so strong and she has seen so much in her life. I can only envision her coming through this surgery and recovering to enjoy many more years. I truly can't believe or feel anything else.
She is strong. She is my hero ....
Monday, July 7, 2008
Rainy Days and Mondays
"Rainy Days and Mondays" ... a song by the Carpenters that comes to mind this morning. Except that they don't get me down (as the song says). I am looking out the window at the steady stream of rain and what I see is a lawn that doesn't need to be watered ... a 'quiet' (is there such a thing as quiet in my day-time world of kids??) day inside, without the hassles of sunscreening, bathrooming and all the organizing it takes to walk out the door with a bunch of kids ... it feels like a day off from the summer heat of last week ... a days reprieve from mowing the lawn.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
The Rules for Being Human
It's kind of funny. I thought I would take a glimpse back on the journalling of my thoughts one year ago today. There were a few paragraphs that I was going to 'copy and paste' so that I could comment on them here this morning. And for some unknown reason, I couldn't 'right click' on the page. So I couldn't easily move the words from the past into my present.
Devine intervention perhaps? I am not focusing on looking back. I am focusing on the present. I'm not even really looking too far in the future. I am making the most of each day as it comes. Opening it as if it was a gift and determined to make the most of it in whatever way suits the day.
I'm looking at the past as something that has launched me into ''today.'' There are emotions that I could unearth but it serves no purpose.
The words in that specific passage in my journalling that sum it all up are " .... I trusted him. And it is gone ..." There is a 'book' in those words. Many incidents and emotions that preceded all of that (on both sides). It doesn't hurt any more. I look back and what I see is a lesson learned. Finally.
In an article Rules for Being Human, there is a paragraph that states: "A lesson is repeated until it is learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it (as evidenced by a change of attitude and behavior), then you can go on to the next lesson."
I look back to my journal entry from one year ago today (and it could have been any of the 30 years that preceded that), and I feel that I have finally learned that lesson.
I feel like a different person. I respect and care for myself. And I believe that is the basis on which to form friendships and relationships in your life. People will mirror the way you treat yourself. If you beat yourself up over your less than redeeming qualities, it is almost a certainty that you can find someone to join you.
I'm tired of being so hard on myself. I am human. I make mistakes. I pick myself up and carry on. The difference between the ''me'' then and the ''me'' now ... is that I am determined to learn that particular lesson and forge on to learn a new lesson!
Because the next point made in the article on the Rules for Being Human is: "Learning lessons does not end. There is no stage in life that does not contain some lessons. As long as you live, there will be something more to learn."
Devine intervention perhaps? I am not focusing on looking back. I am focusing on the present. I'm not even really looking too far in the future. I am making the most of each day as it comes. Opening it as if it was a gift and determined to make the most of it in whatever way suits the day.
I'm looking at the past as something that has launched me into ''today.'' There are emotions that I could unearth but it serves no purpose.
The words in that specific passage in my journalling that sum it all up are " .... I trusted him. And it is gone ..." There is a 'book' in those words. Many incidents and emotions that preceded all of that (on both sides). It doesn't hurt any more. I look back and what I see is a lesson learned. Finally.
In an article Rules for Being Human, there is a paragraph that states: "A lesson is repeated until it is learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it (as evidenced by a change of attitude and behavior), then you can go on to the next lesson."
I look back to my journal entry from one year ago today (and it could have been any of the 30 years that preceded that), and I feel that I have finally learned that lesson.
I feel like a different person. I respect and care for myself. And I believe that is the basis on which to form friendships and relationships in your life. People will mirror the way you treat yourself. If you beat yourself up over your less than redeeming qualities, it is almost a certainty that you can find someone to join you.
I'm tired of being so hard on myself. I am human. I make mistakes. I pick myself up and carry on. The difference between the ''me'' then and the ''me'' now ... is that I am determined to learn that particular lesson and forge on to learn a new lesson!
Because the next point made in the article on the Rules for Being Human is: "Learning lessons does not end. There is no stage in life that does not contain some lessons. As long as you live, there will be something more to learn."
Friday, July 4, 2008
Intoxicated With Life
I went to my dance lesson last night with (what felt like) a zillion things running through my mind. I was excited about so many things going on ...
My sister called to thank me (and thank me and thank me) for the DVD's that I made of her daughter's wedding. We had such a good talk and we are tentatively planning a 'sister get together' during my holidays. Details to be worked out at a future date. I am so excited that she's excited about these projects of mine that have become a reality for the family to enjoy.
Then, I actually went ahead and made plans to see my nephew perform at a comedy club last night. If I hadn't have gone last night, I wouldn't have been able to go at all. So we ended up seeing his XXX-rated show. Maybe not the material I'll write home about, but I marvelled at the way he spun his stories together and made one run into the other and amuse his audience along the way ... I'm glad I went!
Anyway, I had this excitement running through my mind as I arrived at my dance lesson last night. And I simply couldn't contain myself. I was telling my stories, laughing, one thought would lead to the next ... my instructor was laughing along with me ... and it was simply ... intoxicating.
Life amuses me. I am finding hidden treasures in among my day-to-day life. I have never laughed more in my life.
Something has gone very, very right!! I love it!!!
My sister called to thank me (and thank me and thank me) for the DVD's that I made of her daughter's wedding. We had such a good talk and we are tentatively planning a 'sister get together' during my holidays. Details to be worked out at a future date. I am so excited that she's excited about these projects of mine that have become a reality for the family to enjoy.
Then, I actually went ahead and made plans to see my nephew perform at a comedy club last night. If I hadn't have gone last night, I wouldn't have been able to go at all. So we ended up seeing his XXX-rated show. Maybe not the material I'll write home about, but I marvelled at the way he spun his stories together and made one run into the other and amuse his audience along the way ... I'm glad I went!
Anyway, I had this excitement running through my mind as I arrived at my dance lesson last night. And I simply couldn't contain myself. I was telling my stories, laughing, one thought would lead to the next ... my instructor was laughing along with me ... and it was simply ... intoxicating.
Life amuses me. I am finding hidden treasures in among my day-to-day life. I have never laughed more in my life.
Something has gone very, very right!! I love it!!!
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Visualization
"The Secret" is big on the idea of visualizing what you want to come true in your life. I have been putting this idea to practise and having a lot of success with it.
The Book was my biggest accomplishment in 2008. It started out as an idea 9 years ago ... the vastness of it stopped me in my tracks (for 9 years). The interest was reignited, after reading an inspirational article sent to me by a friend. Then an innocent conversation with my sister spurred me into taking that one small step forward.
One phone call led to the second phone call which led to a few letters ... and I was off and running. One forward step and all I had to do after that was to keep taking a step at a time. I pictured the reality I was aiming for. And now I'm literally holding it in my hands.
I have done the same with other smaller ideas. Start with an idea ... an invitation ... or accepting an invitation. Then I will envision what the reality of that occasion will be. It amazes me how a person seems to be able to make a vision become a reality.
Much of it starts with attitude. Weddings are a perfect example. In the past, I have had a hard time relaxing and enjoying weddings for some reason. Either I have a small child in tow ... or I'm single ... or I'm with someone ... Basically, I find an excuse to be uncomfortable in the situation, no matter what it is. This last wedding I attended, I went with the idea of 'making memories' as my goal. No concern as to my own personal feelings or situation. Making memories and finding a way to keep them fresh was the plan. No matter what was going on around me, nothing was deterring me from my plan. And it worked.
It was after all was said and done that I realized that the wedding dance didn't unearth any of my past emotions. When I've been single at these events, I have often wished for a 'dance partner' to accompany me. When I've had that partner, I've been uncomfortable with the situation. Wishing to dance when I couldn't ... or dancing when I wish I was sitting on the sidelines. No matter what side of the coin I was on, I was uncomfortable. This time, the dance was over and I realized that it didn't matter either way. I enjoyed the occasion and my own small part in the day was irrelevant.
I put all of these memories together to make a 'movie' of the day for my niece ... and as I put the finishing touches on the DVD cover, I quietly saw another dream become a reality.
When friends and I went away for an overnight trip to Regina, I had the same vision. Trying to find a way to put it all together in a way to hold onto it forever. As the first day unfolded, the dream wasn't a reality. I woke up the next morning with this awful ''Oh no'' feeling ... that it wasn't happening as I had seen it in my mind's eye. Then ... as the morning went along, it happened. Without a map to guide us, it still happened. Even better than I had envisioned. I came home and put 'the memories' all together ... and ... you guessed it. Another dream came true.
I just answered the question put before me today "What is on your bucket list" (what you want to do with your life before you kick the bucket). My answer was: "My goal is to keep the bucket empty. To follow my dreams and make them become reality." Making memories is my goal. Making big memories of small occasions is better than having one big occasion on 'the list' and not having the special memories that go along with it.
Making memories out of my day to day life is my goal. I am achieving that and then some. Life isn't about the 'big stuff'. It is all the small stuff that happens day in and day out that defines living. Making the small stuff special is my vision.
Sure, I'd love to go to Niagra Falls ... and I'd really love to go to see my Grandma's house in PEI (and turn it into a Bed and Breakfast!). I'd love to take an Alaskan cruise and visit a friend who lives there ... I'd love to pack my bags and just wander around the western provinces and visit with friends and make new memories to go along with the older ones. These are beyond my reality today. If I had one wish for today's reality, it would be to see my nephew perform at a comedy club tonight. That is attainable. Maybe I'll see what I can do about that dream.
One day at a time. One step at a time. Enjoy the small stuff. That is what life is made of. Making special memories out of every day occurrences is something that anyone can do.
That is my vision.
The Book was my biggest accomplishment in 2008. It started out as an idea 9 years ago ... the vastness of it stopped me in my tracks (for 9 years). The interest was reignited, after reading an inspirational article sent to me by a friend. Then an innocent conversation with my sister spurred me into taking that one small step forward.
One phone call led to the second phone call which led to a few letters ... and I was off and running. One forward step and all I had to do after that was to keep taking a step at a time. I pictured the reality I was aiming for. And now I'm literally holding it in my hands.
I have done the same with other smaller ideas. Start with an idea ... an invitation ... or accepting an invitation. Then I will envision what the reality of that occasion will be. It amazes me how a person seems to be able to make a vision become a reality.
Much of it starts with attitude. Weddings are a perfect example. In the past, I have had a hard time relaxing and enjoying weddings for some reason. Either I have a small child in tow ... or I'm single ... or I'm with someone ... Basically, I find an excuse to be uncomfortable in the situation, no matter what it is. This last wedding I attended, I went with the idea of 'making memories' as my goal. No concern as to my own personal feelings or situation. Making memories and finding a way to keep them fresh was the plan. No matter what was going on around me, nothing was deterring me from my plan. And it worked.
It was after all was said and done that I realized that the wedding dance didn't unearth any of my past emotions. When I've been single at these events, I have often wished for a 'dance partner' to accompany me. When I've had that partner, I've been uncomfortable with the situation. Wishing to dance when I couldn't ... or dancing when I wish I was sitting on the sidelines. No matter what side of the coin I was on, I was uncomfortable. This time, the dance was over and I realized that it didn't matter either way. I enjoyed the occasion and my own small part in the day was irrelevant.
I put all of these memories together to make a 'movie' of the day for my niece ... and as I put the finishing touches on the DVD cover, I quietly saw another dream become a reality.
When friends and I went away for an overnight trip to Regina, I had the same vision. Trying to find a way to put it all together in a way to hold onto it forever. As the first day unfolded, the dream wasn't a reality. I woke up the next morning with this awful ''Oh no'' feeling ... that it wasn't happening as I had seen it in my mind's eye. Then ... as the morning went along, it happened. Without a map to guide us, it still happened. Even better than I had envisioned. I came home and put 'the memories' all together ... and ... you guessed it. Another dream came true.
I just answered the question put before me today "What is on your bucket list" (what you want to do with your life before you kick the bucket). My answer was: "My goal is to keep the bucket empty. To follow my dreams and make them become reality." Making memories is my goal. Making big memories of small occasions is better than having one big occasion on 'the list' and not having the special memories that go along with it.
Making memories out of my day to day life is my goal. I am achieving that and then some. Life isn't about the 'big stuff'. It is all the small stuff that happens day in and day out that defines living. Making the small stuff special is my vision.
Sure, I'd love to go to Niagra Falls ... and I'd really love to go to see my Grandma's house in PEI (and turn it into a Bed and Breakfast!). I'd love to take an Alaskan cruise and visit a friend who lives there ... I'd love to pack my bags and just wander around the western provinces and visit with friends and make new memories to go along with the older ones. These are beyond my reality today. If I had one wish for today's reality, it would be to see my nephew perform at a comedy club tonight. That is attainable. Maybe I'll see what I can do about that dream.
One day at a time. One step at a time. Enjoy the small stuff. That is what life is made of. Making special memories out of every day occurrences is something that anyone can do.
That is my vision.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Andre Update
Our 'poor kitty' is doing well. It was so pathetic last week to watch him look so uncomfortable with his collar. Normally, he will run across a room just to sit in an empty box he has just spotted. So I found a box for him last week and he wouldn't even look at it. Every time I saw him, he was resting in a very untypical spot - on hard surfaces and away from all of his comfort zones.
So when he hopped into this box today, it made my heart happy. Kurt had been closing his door so Andre and his wound couldn't come in. But he left his door open a few nights ago and did he have one happy kitty at his side! Every time I peeked in, I saw Andre in a new, comfortable spot.
His medication is done ... just one more week with the collar to allow him to heal ... and he should be good to go.
He doesn't complain. He just quietly bemoans his restrictions. But I am sure that he will be glad to be rid of that collar and get back to his old tricks (like sneaking outside on us!!).
Living My Life
As this long weekend passed, I thought I would have all the time in the world to sit back, write and reflect here. But I was wrong.
I am a list-maker. I derive great satisfaction by writing down my goals and triumphantly crossing things off as I accomplish them. When I found myself with 3 unexpected days off this past weekend (I didn't find out until Friday, but none of my babysitting families needed me on Monday so I had Sunday - Tuesday off!), I quickly made a list.
When I get in these goal oriented modes, my writing is tedious. I end up writing a time line of all that I accomplished, how and when. Satisfying for me, but pretty boring to read. So I didn't write.
Instead, I accomplished most of what was on my list. My lists always tend to be a little ambitious and I write down 1 or 2 more things than I can comfortably accomplish. But I tended to the important matters anyway.
And the best part is that Kurt and I did one fun thing a day. We saw a movie, we went bowling with friends and we went out with Dale and his girlfriend on Dale's boat.
I didn't have a lot of adult company throughout the weekend (though I did talk to at least one adult per day) and I think this is often the reason that I sit down and write so often. The excess words in my head that simply don't have a place to go when I don't talk to another adult person. But for some reason, I was very content to just be quiet with my thoughts this weekend. No great epiphanies to share ... no overwhelming sense of emotion to quiet ... no real story to tell. I was content within myself and within my world.
And as I sit here with my second cup of coffee this morning and look ahead at the day that lies before me, I feel ready to take it on. Back to my real life. Back to the world of kids and tending to their many needs.
There is nothing like some time off from 'the real world' to rejuvinate a person. It is intoxicating to accomplish things that you have been putting off. One of these days, I am going to put "sit down and read a book" on that list.
I am a list-maker. I derive great satisfaction by writing down my goals and triumphantly crossing things off as I accomplish them. When I found myself with 3 unexpected days off this past weekend (I didn't find out until Friday, but none of my babysitting families needed me on Monday so I had Sunday - Tuesday off!), I quickly made a list.
When I get in these goal oriented modes, my writing is tedious. I end up writing a time line of all that I accomplished, how and when. Satisfying for me, but pretty boring to read. So I didn't write.
Instead, I accomplished most of what was on my list. My lists always tend to be a little ambitious and I write down 1 or 2 more things than I can comfortably accomplish. But I tended to the important matters anyway.
And the best part is that Kurt and I did one fun thing a day. We saw a movie, we went bowling with friends and we went out with Dale and his girlfriend on Dale's boat.
I didn't have a lot of adult company throughout the weekend (though I did talk to at least one adult per day) and I think this is often the reason that I sit down and write so often. The excess words in my head that simply don't have a place to go when I don't talk to another adult person. But for some reason, I was very content to just be quiet with my thoughts this weekend. No great epiphanies to share ... no overwhelming sense of emotion to quiet ... no real story to tell. I was content within myself and within my world.
And as I sit here with my second cup of coffee this morning and look ahead at the day that lies before me, I feel ready to take it on. Back to my real life. Back to the world of kids and tending to their many needs.
There is nothing like some time off from 'the real world' to rejuvinate a person. It is intoxicating to accomplish things that you have been putting off. One of these days, I am going to put "sit down and read a book" on that list.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)